Posted in:
August 18, 2008 9:35 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
The other day I came across this interesting article and I was astonished that a man was suing a woman for getting herpes from her.
What if we could sue anyone we wanted for any reason pertaining to our failing love lives? Better yet, what if we could ask for restitution in the event we win the case.
Here are all the people (and animal) I would sue, and what I'd ask for to alleviate the mental and financial anguish they caused...
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August 14, 2008 1:00 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
So Marieclairevoyant has constructed a video response to
my question. If you don’t see the player
below, you can click here to view it.
I agreed with some of the things she had to say, but I
disagreed with some things. Here are my
thoughts on her response:
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August 11, 2008 2:08 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
As most of you know by now, I'm pretty skittish when it comes to sexual encounters. I usually worry, and I usually expect too much. This is probably why I still haven't had great sex.
I never thought that trying something kind of different would help me, but maybe it would. Hell, I might as well. I didn't take my chance I was offered when I worked at Fashion Week by the catering girl who wanted to get it on right at the event.
But one time, I did go with the moment and, at the very least, it helped me create a good answer for the question:
Where's the craziest place you ever had sex?
It happened with my girlfriend in college. We went out to dinner one night at Kate's, one of the popular University of Delaware hangouts. I remember leaving dinner with a huge shopping bag full of food we didn't finish. We were walking down Main Street toward our houses when she told me she had to use the bathroom.
We were right by Old College, one of the stateliest buildings on campus. But we were very close to our houses too. In those days short times and distances seemed so long, so we ended up on the first floor of Old College, in barely lit hallways around 9PM.
I hung out in the hallway with my shopping bag full of food while she used the bathroom. She came out and, for some reason, instead of walking out we decided to check out one of the classrooms. I had never been in a classroom at night (I hadn't been in many by the light of day either).
We were kind of hanging out in the corner of the classroom by a window when I noticed her giving me that look. That look is the look of desire that even the most clueless of guys (like me) can figure out. So, we started making out right at the windowsill of Old College in the classroom and it quickly escalated into sex.
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August 10, 2008 5:14 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Remember language
classes, where the teacher attempted to steer you away from translating between
languages word-for-word? Well, I really
sucked at learning foreign languages. I
couldn’t grasp the idea that I had to just immerse myself into the language and
stop thinking of everything in English terms.
Women and
men certainly speak different languages. Most of my life has been spent trying to understand what women mean when
they say things. I’ve applied the
Foreign Language Rule to females: don’t
translate what they say word-for-word into Male.
Now that
I’m not trying to see everything in Man language, I have been able to translate
two very confusing and common breakup lines from women. If I can continue to figure out how to
translate like I have done with these two lines, maybe some day I will become
fluent in Woman.
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August 8, 2008 6:15 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I’ve been trying to figure out why I struggle so much with PDA (Public
Display of Affection). I have it pretty bad: kissing on the cheek,
holding hands, arm around a girl or hand on her lower back, is about as
far as I’ll go.
It’s taken me a while to accept seeing PDA—as long as it’s not
disgusting—and by disgusting I mean over-the-top tongue lashing,
slipping hands in clothing, or anything that gets so intense I can hear
it (grunts, moans, etc.)
In order to learn to accept couples who partaking in PDA, I tapped the
inner poser in me. In Europe, couples are amorous in public all the
time. Anything European is cool. Therefore, in my eternal quest to be
cool—which is just one big failing campaign—I decided that because PDA
is common in Europe, I’ll just accept it and walk by couples making out
as if I’m cool with it.
But I’ll never be able to do PDA with a girl.
My girlfriend in college used to lecture me all the time.
“Why can’t you hold me and kiss me when we are in public?”
Like that was going to work. With me, just hope for the best and don’t
make me feel awkward about something I already feel awkward about.
Here are my hypotheses on why I can’t do PDA:
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Posted in:
August 4, 2008 2:43 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Today I’m watching a pretty weekend storm outside, by myself of
course. I’ve been having moments of weakness, listening to Bob Seger
(you know you’ve fallen into weakness when you start doing that). But,
aside from obsessively playing along with the opening chords on my
guitar, I’ve been analyzing the lyrics to the song. And on my favorite lyrics site, I see that other users are having the same reactions to this song: It’s heart-wrenching and uplifting at the same time.
The song reminds me of why it’s so hard for me to fall in love. I
touched on this before when I suggested that it was harder to have
romance in your life when you have responsibility and practicality
injected into it.
Seger’s song is about a teenage summer romance:
“We weren't in love oh no far from it
We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit
We were just young and restless and bored
Living by the sword
And we'd steal away every chance we could
To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods
I used her she used me
But neither one cared
We were getting our share
Workin' on our night moves
Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues”
My fundamental problem right now is that I’m still restless and bored.
There is still a lot to learn in life, but most of my peers are
settling down and I’m expected to do the same. I’m just not ready for
all that yet.
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Posted in:
August 1, 2008 3:49 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
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Posted in:
July 30, 2008 10:00 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
As you can tell, I’ve had a really tough time finding the right girl. I’m a huge fan of true crime stories and I’ve seen a lot of instances where the police, at wit’s end, will turn to a psychic to help solve a crime.
You all have really helped with your advice and thoughts, and I hope you continue to help. But I’m still at wit’s end.
Remember how I mentioned the Marie Claire psychic around the 4th of July? Well, I finally got the courage (she looks rather intimidating in her picture) to make a quick video for her so she can share her clairvoyant thoughts. Hopefully, she can tell me who I’m going to end up with, and when I will meet this girl. If you have questions about anything in your life, you should ask her and maybe she can help you out.
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Posted in:
July 28, 2008 3:04 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I started masturbating in 7th grade. The ammo was a tattered 1978
Playboy. After a bunch of times looking through it without incident, I
eventually just found myself masturbating without even realizing it
and—boom—it happened.
I was so happy because a lot of the older boys on my soccer team would
talk about masturbating and I had no stories to share until I finally
did it.
Of course, my anxiety took over after I did it for the first time. I
was convinced that I was shooting blanks: either very few sperm or
none at all! My parents had an old fashioned microscope in their
office at home. I decided I would take a drop of whatever was coming
out and take a closer look. So, one day I made a slide, took a look
and…blurriness. Results inconclusive…
My masturbation habits grew exponentially in high school. Man, I was
so fit in those days. Lazy summer afternoons would produce two to four
masturbation sessions. Throughout high school, despite the other guys
talking about it, I was so worried that I was the only guy in the
school that masturbated as much as I did. I worried that if anyone
knew how much I did it, they would think I was a perverted freak.
By the time college rolled around, I was totally comfortable. In fact,
my roommate senior year and I were so comfortable with each other that
one of us would say to the other:
“Dude, I just need about five minutes…”
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Posted in:
July 27, 2008 5:28 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
They say persistence pays, but—of course—if we try to apply this rule to the dating world, it’s turned on its head.
I have never seen a situation where being persistence in the initial
stages has landed a girl. I used to go about it according to the
saying: I’d let a girl know I was into her and I’d try different ways
to get in touch with her.
This doesn’t mean I bothered her three times a day with calls and
emails. But, if I didn’t hear back from her after my first attempt,
I’d usually try again a week later. Since those dark ages, I’ve told
myself that if a girl wants to get in touch with me, she will do so
after my first call…and if she’s going to make me play games and chase
her, then she’s not worth it.
Indeed, the person who is being pursued holds most of the power. The movie Swingers uses the metaphor of a wolf chasing a rabbit. But, this oversimplifies
it. When a guy is chasing a girl, he does not exhibit the grace of a
cat, a bird of prey, shark, or wolf. He more closely resembles a
baby carnivore that barely fit walk, let alone pursue and catch prey.
Pursuing a girl is much more complex than the hunter and the hunted in
the wild. It’s a battle of minds, and it depends on circumstance,
timing, and discipline. Unfortunately, it sounds more like war.
Which
characteristic do you appreciate more when being pursued?
Aggressiveness—like a hunter…or someone who is more like a soldier:
stoic?
Here are some examples of persistence that I have seen fail right before my eyes:
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Posted in:
July 27, 2008 4:26 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Guys definitely notice a girl’s style. Sometimes I’m completely sold
on how a girl dresses or how she does her hair. I can remember times
when my friends and I have been heading home after meeting some girls
and picking out a girl who was dressed really hot—and talking about her
at length.
The ultimate look is sexy, cute, hot all combined. I once tried to
define these words, but perhaps a girl can just define them in her
style.
As we start getting towards the end of Summer, I wanted to lay out my favorite Summer looks on girls:
Jeans with heels
OK, so I did complain when I went out with a girl who wore heels to a
sporting event, but I really like the jeans with heels look when
appropriate. It’s sophisticated and sexy. I think black heels look
the best with jeans. In terms of the heels themselves, I’m really not
an expert on this, but the heels that have that 40’s style to them are
really cute on girls. The jeans with heels look goes across all
seasons.
Sundresses
This is so cliché but they look so hot. Sundresses seem to pick up the
summer breeze and refract the sun’s rays…they are magical. The other
day my friend and I saw a gorgeous girl riding her bike in a sundress
and we stared, mesmerized, while he remarked:
“All these girls riding around their bikes in sundresses…it’s just not fair.”
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Posted in:
July 21, 2008 4:30 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Here are the rest of the reasons guys will disappear, continued from the previous post:
4. He Thinks You’re Too Serious…Which Means You Probably Are
It’s imperative that, as a relationship grows, that the feeling is
mutual. Every serious relationship comes to that point where we look
at ourselves, our lives, and consider taking that next step into
exclusivity and beyond. If he’s not ready to do it then it’s not going
to work, and he might literally be frightened off if he perceives that
you’re too serious. And, you may say: “I am not serious at all about
this, I don’t intend to be serious.” When I think of this, I’m
reminded of the HR Sexual Harassment online class I took for work.
“Even if he didn’t intend for it to be offensive, if someone is
offended, then it’s sexual harassment”. So, while you may not intend
to come off as “serious”, what he perceives will be fact to him. And,
if you’re “too serious” for him, then you’re better off without him:
it wasn’t clicking at the right time.
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Posted in:
July 21, 2008 11:40 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
How annoying is it when someone you thought was into you suddenly
disappears off the face of the earth? Even more annoying is the fact
that nine times out of ten, we are not given a reason for the sudden
change in behavior. I’ve listed every reason I have seen in my own
life for why a guy might inexplicably stop responding:
1. He’s Chasing Someone Else (The White Whale Theory)
If you’ve just met him, who knows who else is in his life? I have
definitely let a lot of girls go by while I’ve been fixated on “the
ultimate girl”. It’s a fact: guys enjoy the chase. Some guys even
enjoy just the chase. So that uninterested or elusive girl that he’s
chasing becomes his “white whale”. If you have gone out with him a few
times and things just don’t seem right, he may be chasing a girl or two
on the side—and if he ever catches her that will really complicate
matters.
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Posted in:
July 21, 2008 2:50 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I keep reading comments that I need to put myself in the shoes of girls
and try to live the experience of being a girl. I thought I was doing
that when I bought my abusive boyfriend jeans.
In any event, I decided to really live the experience by going to a gay
bar last night with a female friend. Perhaps this would help me live
the experience and understand what girls go through in the whacky and
perilous world of dating.
The two gay bars I’m most familiar with in NYC have rather intimidating
names: The Manhole, and The Cock. I decided to just go to the one
that is closer to my apartment: The Cock. OK , the name “Manhole” also
scares the hell out of me.
Upon entering the bar, I struggled to perform my usual first instinct:
looking around at how many hot girls there were. It was just men…as
far as the eyes could see.
It immediately became apparent that I could have sex with any of these
guys I wanted to. I’m nothing special, I just know that guys want sex
really bad all the time. This was the first time I’ve ever felt like
sex would be easy. Usually, in straight bars, I’m just trying to
figure out how I can say “hello” to a girl. So—I get it: sometimes
it’s not challenging for girls—because men are sex fiends and they make
it obvious.
My friend stayed in the shadows, and observed the antics. In just a
few hours, I met men that would span the entire spectrum of trying to
get into my pants:
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Posted in:
July 16, 2008 7:39 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
It recently dawned on me
that I am being too picky with the girls I date. After I thought about this idea in more depth, I realized
that I’m really no prize, so who am I to even be picky? I decided to try an exercise that is
very much against what I was taught to do.
I spent 14 years being
educated at a small private Quaker school. The experience was amazing, but it gave me too much self
worth. I distinctly remember a
story about an I.L.A.C sign that hangs invisibly around our necks. I.L.A.C stands for I Am Loveable And
Capable. It’s taken me years to
even buy into this—and, you know what, I still haven’t bought into it
completely. The story dictates
that every time someone says something hurtful, or crippling to you, a piece of
your I.L.A.C sign is broken off. If we go around hurting one another too much, then we are all left
broken, with no sense of I.L.A.C.
But, I’ve been too picky
with the girls I want to date. Perhaps I am alone because I don’t deserve anyone beautiful, special, or
intelligent.
So, instead of looking in
the mirror tonight and telling myself that I deserve someone great (I.L.A.C), I
will go over all of the things I don’t like about myself. If I humble myself, and realize that I’m
not that special, perhaps my standards, which are impossibly high, will come
down and I will be more forgiving when a strand of a girl’s hair seems out of
place.
So, here are the things I
don’t like about myself and how I will correct them:
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