1. My god, you fall for the most shameful click bait.
Have some respect for yourself.
2. You keep requesting the same thing over and over again.
I'm working on it, okay?! It takes time. You know what? See what I did there? I made all your browser windows freeze and slowly fade to an opaque light grey.
3. Enough with the baby animal photos.
You can look at them, but stop saving them to my hard drive. We literally have over 300 already.
4. You haven't gotten a new Twitter follower in the last 5 minutes.
Nope, not the last 10 seconds either. STILL NO, LADY.
5. Would it be rude if I just "accidentally" deleted all these drunken photos you're uploading?
It's for your own good — I'm just looking out for you.
6. I'll keep loading his Facebook page, but those photos of him and his new girlfriend are still going to be there.
Told you so.
7. It's time to stop googling the status of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez's relationship — it's over.
We will get through this together.
8. You walked away and I went into sleep mode.
You came back and violently started to shake the mouse over and over again to wake me up. I was on all night. I'm tired. Go away.
9. Your headphones may hide your 98 Degrees obsession, but I'll always know the truth.
Even your private Spotify sessions cannot escape me.
10. Stop looking at Facebook pictures of yourself.
11. I'm not judging you for your folder full of wedding photos and that excel sheet of potential locations despite you not yet having a ring on your finger.
Just kidding, I definitely am.
12. I know it's your birthday and you know it's your birthday.
That calendar event isn't alerting anyone but the two of us. Cute font choice, though.
Photo Credit: Getty Images, GIFs via Giphy