The BIG Question

Living in New York, I get asked a lot of questions by strangers:

"Which way is Fifth Avenue?"

"Is this the uptown train?"

"Can you spare a quarter?"

I generally answer them. I'm from the Midwest, where people do things like that. Problem is, when someone stops to ask you a question in New York, you have only a split second to decide: Is the person a tourist, or a psycho? Usually it's pretty clear. But not always.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Take the other night: I'm walking home from my neighborhood grocery store in lower Manhattan. I'm marveling at how a tiny container of raspberries could cost a whole $7, when a shy-looking young man spots me and says, "Can you tell me..." I figured he was a normal guy about to ask for directions to the Brooklyn Bridge or something, so I slowed down. But no. What he wanted to know was, "Is my penis too SMALL?"

Then his hands flew to his zipper. Well, I did what any New Yorker would do—I picked up my pace and jetted past him with my $7 raspberries. But he persisted: "Ma'am, seriously, is it too small? Look at it! LOOK! I need to know! Do you think my penis is too small? Ma'am?!?" he shouted down the street, till I disappeared around a corner.

The nutcakes here are nothing if not creative.

Culture
Share
What's New on Netflix in June
Culture
Share
4 Women with 4 Very Different Incomes Open Up About the Lives They Can Afford
Tormund and Brienne on Game of Thrones
Culture
Share
Gwendoline Christie Breaks Her Silence About That Flirting on 'Game of Thrones'
Culture
Share
Watch This Tap Dancing Group's Flawless Tribute to Prince
Finding Dory
Culture
Share
Get Excited: Disney Movies Are Coming to Netflix
GIF
Culture
Share
Hero Woman Gets Back at Cheating Ex by Spoiling 'Game of Thrones' Every Monday Morning
Culture
Share
Meet This Year's (Totally Badass) Top Female Surfer
Game of Thrones Hodor
Culture
Share
The 'Game of Thrones' Cast Is Weighing In on Last Night's Heart-Wrenching Moment
Culture
Share
Your Monthly App Roundup: We Test All the New Ones So You Don't Have To
GIF
Culture
Share
Equal-Opportunity Ogling: 'Game of Thrones' Finally Showed Its First Penis