American Horror Story Hotel Theories

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(Image credit: Lady Gaga/Facebook)

published 27 February 2015

Who didn't lose their mind when Lady Gaga tweeted that she'll be on season 5 of American Horror Story: Hotel? Obviously someone big had to fill the massive hole left by Jessica Lange, who will no longer play the nosy neighbor/looney nun/supreme witch/freakshow ringleader. And who better to fill those shoes than the mother of little monsters?

But other than this *awesome* piece of news, we still have no idea what season 5 will be about. We mean, freakshows...witches...hotels? That being said, here are a few ideas (conspiracies?) we think the show could plagiarize be based off of:

1. Psycho

Kathy Bates—former bearded lady, former racist murderer from Louisiana—would obviously be the hotel manager (Bates Motel, Bates Hotel). And, duh, Evan Peters would have to play the knife-wielding killer with a mommy complex. Nothing else would make sense. NOTHING.

2. A sick twist on 30 Rock/Parks and Recreation/Workaholics

We can see it now: Everyone works in the same hotel—Peters as the bell hop, Emma Roberts as the in-house hostess, Bates as the hotel maid, Zachary Quinto as the doorman, and Lady Gaga as the obnoxious celebrity guest who trashes her room and makes the staff's lives a nightmare. (See what we did there?)

3. Vacancy

Can Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott make a comeback from AHS season 1 and play the couple with car trouble who just happens to stumble upon an empty motel? Cliché, classic, and terrifying.

4. The Shining

A TV show remake of one of Jack Nicholson's most iconic roles that still haunts us today? Sure, why not. Sarah Paulson can reprise her role as twins (only separated) and...Ma Petite as Danny (spelled "Dani").

5. The Tower of Terror

Hey, Ryan Murphy! It'd be creepy-cute if you took a Disney original film and morphed it into one of your weekly thrillers. We'd like to nominate Roberts as the jealous sister who casts a spell on everyone. She already played an I-do-whatever-the-hell-I-want witch in season 3.

6. A vacation gone wrong

Bedbugs, luke-warm eggs benedict, limited brunch cocktails—the horror!

You should also check out:

Lady Gaga Has Been Cast in 'American Horror Story'

Lady Gaga Knocks Her 'Sound of Music' Tribute Out of the PARK, Blows Everyone Away

Emma Roberts Is America's Next Sweetheart

When I'm not stalking future-but-never-going-to-happen husbands on Facebook, you can catch me eating at one of NYC's B-rated or below dining establishments—A-rated restaurants are for basics. Fun fact: Bloody Marys got me into eating celery on the regular. And for your safety, please do not disturb before 10 a.m. or coffee, whichever comes first.