The 4 Guests You Will Begrudgingly Encounter at Every Wedding

From the author of this month's Save the Date (Riverhead), Jen Doll gives us a field guide to the attendees you will find at every nuptial.

1. THE NEWBIE

Spot her: Delighting at the letterpressed place cards while you groan and try to recall a time, 14 weddings ago, when you felt the same way.

Feeding habits: Displays unprecedented enthusiasm for dry chicken breast, shrimp cocktail, and mini-quiche.

2. THE DRUNKEN MESS

Spot her: Loitering at the bar, where many repressed feelings have turned her from unassuming bridesmaid to unmitigated disaster.

Courtship ritual: The Dougie.

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3. THE CONTROL FREAK

Spot her: Rearranging centerpieces—at other people's tables.

Behaviors of: She's not "in" the wedding per se … but maybe nobody told her?

4. YOUR NEW BFF

Spot her: Werking it as you perform a synchronized dance to "We Are Family."

Flight patterns: You may never see her again, but you'll always have Facebook.

What do you think?