1. THE NEWBIE
Spot her: Delighting at the letterpressed place cards while you groan and try to recall a time, 14 weddings ago, when you felt the same way.
Feeding habits: Displays unprecedented enthusiasm for dry chicken breast, shrimp cocktail, and mini-quiche.

2. THE DRUNKEN MESS
Spot her: Loitering at the bar, where many repressed feelings have turned her from unassuming bridesmaid to unmitigated disaster.
Courtship ritual: The Dougie.

3. THE CONTROL FREAK
Spot her: Rearranging centerpieces—at other people's tables.
Behaviors of: She's not "in" the wedding per se … but maybe nobody told her?

4. YOUR NEW BFF
Spot her: Werking it as you perform a synchronized dance to "We Are Family."
Flight patterns: You may never see her again, but you'll always have Facebook.

What Do You Think?