Hidden within this innocent, neither celebratory nor accusatory story simply *announcing* the return of this '80s throwback was something that, had the internet noticed, would have raised its ire far more than some trousers with elastic round the hem. What could be so repulsive? The shoes Balenciaga showed with the Pantalones That Shall Not Be Named, which cost as much 1.5 years' worth of almond flat whites—even though they're not terribly walkable and you could easily Get the Look for, like, one almond flat white, give or take a slice of pumpkin loaf.
A post shared by Tommy Ton (@tommyton)
A photo posted by on
Never mind the heel, so slanted that not even Rihanna would stand a chance of staying upright, micrometers from a grate hole or not. Never mind that the rhinestone leaves resemble Epidermodysplasia verruciformis growths, that skin condition that makes you look like you're gradually turning into Groot. Only remember that some footwear answers to a higher power than function and that, if you believe in yourself and try hard enough, you could replicate this exact photo. Sort of.
A post shared by Camille Charriere (@camillecharriere)
A photo posted by on
The scheme? A pair of throwaway pumps in magenta, cobalt, or black and shoe clips or earrings made for those who haven't had their lobes run through with jumbo needles on live camera. (Source these from Etsy or even your grandmother's jewelry box, though, now that we think about it, haven't you hassled the poor woman enough?) Arrange the baubles to your liking (multiples are best), clasp, and slide your feet in. (No one said this would be comfortable.)
Fashionably gaudy, highly embellished, requires suspension of pragmatism—nearly identical to the real McCoy, eh? Just make sure not to put yourself in a situation in which you'd be tempted to gyrate too vigorously—you wouldn't want to leave any of your hard work behind.
Follow Marie Claire on Facebook for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
Stay In The Know
Marie Claire email subscribers get intel on fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more. Sign up here.
Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
-
Worth It: 16 Carefully Crafted Pieces for Spring
The artistry and skill behind our latest beauty and fashion obsessions make these items especially covetable.
By Deena Campbell Published
-
20 Shows to Watch While You Wait for the Return of 'House of the Dragon'
Complete with power-hungry characters, messy family drama, and enough sex scenes to make a Targaryen blush...
By Andrea Park Published
-
Dyson's Limited Edition AirWrap Will Definitely Sell Out
All the hi-tech features, plus a pretty new colorway.
By Halie LeSavage Published
-
Exclusive: Rothy’s Designs Its First Wedge Sandal
The footwear brand just released its first wedge sandal.
By Lauren Tappan Published
-
The 10 Best Espadrilles for Spring and Summer 2023
Your chunky-phobia, cured.
By Sara Holzman Published
-
The 11 Most Comfortable Shoe Brands, According to Editors and a Podiatrist
The only shoes more comfortable than our house slippers.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Published
-
The 12 Best Loafers to Round Out Your Spring Wardrobe
These 12 pairs are in constant rotation.
By Julia Marzovilla Last updated
-
Worth It: Miu Miu's Ballet Flats
The luxe slipper is worth the splurge—here's why.
By Emma Childs Published
-
The 10 Types of Boots for Women to Invest In
You'll have these pairs for life.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 14 Best Slip-On Sneakers for Women in 2023
Slide into these day or night.
By Sara Holzman Published
-
The 11 Best Chunky Sneakers for Women in 2024
The humble "dad sneaker" is back and better than ever.
By Julia Marzovilla Last updated