There has to be some law that states "Nobody can one-up Beyoncé except Beyoncé," which holds true when you apply it to 2015 Holiday Beyoncé thoroughly trouncing 2016 Holiday Beyoncé. (Does she know necromancy? Would not be surprised.) Yeah, this year's model sang "All Night," but did she wear the most festive, most labor-intensive Christmas outfit of all time? I think not. Let's take a closer look, shall we?
The Stella McCartney Dress
It is Stella McCartney and stripy. Moving on.
The [Samuel L. Jackson's Favorite Gerund] Coat
::breathing shallowly like Gollum but creepier:: So much going on here, so many questions.
- Did Blue Ivy hang the ornaments on the lower boughs?
- Is that why they're concentrated near the bottom?
- Or did the assistant who most likely made this tree coat do that for verisimilitude?
- Do you think Beyoncé was like "Jay, go get the cardboard box from the garage marked 'Xmas Decorations,'" but it took him seven years to look for it, so she exhaled deeply and found it herself?
- Thread or that iron-on glue stuff for the tinsel?
- Are the working lights running on Duracell or Beyoncé Power™?
- Had Beyoncé ever heard "All I Want for Christmas Is You" before she went to see Mariah's holiday special?
- How many shots would you, a Beyoncé employee, have to take to work up enough Dutch courage to secretly unhook one of the mini stockings to keep as a souvenir of the time you got close enough to Beyoncé at the company holiday party to unhook a mini stocking from her coat?
- What kind of sentence do you think you'd get as a result?
- Why no menorah, though? That would have really put it over the top, IMO.