23 Problems Only Gluten-Free People Understand
Don't mind me, I'm just drinking wine at this tailgate.
By Alexandra Martell
1. You have to read the ingredients label on every single thing before you put it in your mouth. (Peppermint Altoids whyyy do you have wheat?!)
2. The bread.
3. Going out to dinner involves a lot of eating salad. With oil and vinegar, because no one seems to know if there's gluten in the honey mustard.
4. Explaining to your waiter three times that you can't have bread/wheat/gluten, and your salad still comes with croutons in it.
5. If you go out for sushi, you have to bring your own soy sauce in your purse. And you better wrap that thing in at least three plastic bags.
6. When there are free cupcakes in the office :(
7. You have to drink wine at baseball games.
8. If you are going anywhere outside the realm of your regular life, you need to research your meals and plan ahead.
9. And if you don't, see #3.
10. You have to dedicate at least 1/4 of your suitcase space on vacations to gluten-free snacks. Pining for your shoes is better than potentially not eating breakfast for a week.
11. If you have a wheat allergy, you can't buy new beauty products without checking first to see if it has "hydrolyzed wheat protein" in it. What even is this?! Why does that shampoo even need wheat in it?
12. Gluten-free foods and ingredients are always more expensive than their gluten counterparts.
13. Every time you see your grandmother, you have to explain, again, that no, you can't have "just one bite" of the gluten food she made.
14. Your grandmother's cheesecake :(
15. Before going to a wedding, you either have to (A) eat beforehand or (B) ask the bride for her caterer's number, call and ask if there's anything you can eat, and arrange a meal for yourself (or end up back at A).
16. You have officially lost count of how many times you have told someone that rice and potatoes don't have gluten in them. The concern is sweet, but I know better than anyone else what's safe for me to eat.
17. You have also lost count of the number of times you've gone to a Mexican restaurant thinking you'd be safest there, and the waiter still brought you flour tortillas/chips and not corn.
18. You often end up drunk a lot faster than your beer-drinking friends when you go out, since you're drinking vodka sodas.
19. The pain of turning down treats that new friends/coworkers/other humans bring you because they didn't know you were gluten-free.
20. The pain of visiting a new city/state/country and not being able to taste its signature beer or bread-y food. Excuse me while I stare longingly at this Chicago hot dog.
21. You have to be even more careful than gluten eaters not to overload on carbs or sugar, because gluten replacements are often worse for you.
22. Convincing your friends that gluten-free food doesn't suck every time you try to pick a restaurant.
23. The way you feel when you accidentally eat gluten.
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