Let yourself feel the truth of what you want and who you are. They are closely related, especially for you. Your desire defines your reality.
When you do that consciously, you might recognize that desire is complex. There's no easy explanation for who and what you're drawn to, and I suggest you not try to simplify or rationalize. Most of all, I suggest you not try to 'pathologize' -- that is, come up with some explanation that says there's something wrong about who you are or what you want.
The hotter your feelings, the more deeply you admit to your own needs; and the more you exchange with others, the more you will make contact with your desire to feel better. That translates to expressing your unfettered desire to explore your psyche, your creativity, and the world around you. When you do this, the people who show up will be willing to play and explore.
You're reaching a point where you simply must be more expressive. You cannot hold your true self inside you any more. This year, that means discovering, allowing and sharing a wide range of feelings on a wide range of subjects. It means exploring and expressing your deepest inner reality
If you find things that seem to make no sense, hang out with them for a while. Do your best to suspend all judgment and allow yourself to be who you are. Allow yourself to go to your full depth. Not everyone will be able to go with you, but at least one person understands.
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