Posted in:
December 1, 2008 6:32 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
The industry standard for getting over someone is half the duration of the relationship. So, if I get out of a year long relationship in December, according to this rule, I should be over that person by June of the next year.
I'm told by girls I know that meeting a new guy helps them get over the old one. Guys are the opposite-once a guy is single, he will take it as an opportunity to meet as many girls as possible to help him get over his past relationship.
Personally, I think getting over someone has to do only with the individual who is riding out the pain-no one else can help them with this.
I've also noticed that guys tend to hold on longer than girls do. Girls seem to be able adjust to a new life much easier, and tackle it with excitement and brightness.
Getting into a relationship with someone who is harboring wounds from a past relationship is dangerous. Bitterness, pain, and anxiety are not good feelings to have lingering when starting a new relationship. There are so many points of anxiety after we leave a relationship:
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Posted in:
November 29, 2008 7:15 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
This past weekend the entire family was home to rake leaves and go to the football game in Baltimore. Of course, I was the only one without a significant other.
It was interesting to watch three different levels of relationships in front of me: my parents (married for 37 years), my older sister and her husband (married for 4 years), and my little sister and her boyfriend (dating for one year).
Here are some observations from this crazy weekend:
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Posted in:
November 26, 2008 10:26 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Next week I'm going to a dating auction.
Before you slam me for giving up or paying for "services,"
you should know that all proceeds go to charity.
For Facebookers in the NYC area search "bachelorette auction
fundraiser" for more information. It will be 12/9 at Social in
Midtown.
There are a lot of cute girls that will be
parading down that runway. And there are
very few dollars in my checking account.
Something's gotta give. I'll end up empty handed, and it will be even
more obvious that I'm super poor after I try to participate.
It's really interesting to see what's going on behind the
scenes with some of the girls who are participating in the auction. My friend has been imploring me to bid on her
because she's afraid that no one will bid on her at all. She's very cute, but it makes sense that she
would have some anxiety.
I can relate to her fear.
I can only imagine how few votes I would get, and the terrible "blurb"
that the emcee would read about me as I strutted my stuff:
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Posted in:
November 24, 2008 7:13 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
My friends and I have spent many a long night brainstorming that magic
formula of characteristics that drives the ladies wild. It is
impossible to know just what the mixture is supposed to be, but is
there one characteristic that can work alone to make a guy really
attractive?
Here are the characteristics we've come up with:
Sense of Humor
Everyone
says how important sense of humor is, and I have definitely learned to
look for it in women. I am lucky enough to be able to make women
laugh, but I'm still super single.
Trustworthy
Trust
is the holy grail of a relationship. It takes years to build it, and
it is so delicate. There are few things that take so long to attain
that can be destroyed so quickly. So a lot of us may finally settle on
a very trustworthy person when we finally find that.
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Posted in:
November 21, 2008 10:31 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Don't ever expect to find the love of your life after a one-night-stand
or random makeout. These events are phenomena where everything seems
magical and then suddenly shuts off: much like Cinderella loses her
game at midnight.
But it happens to the best of us. So here are
some dos and don'ts for not only keeping the morning-after awkwardness
to a minimum, but also keeping it smooth and as painless as possible:
Do not linger in bed hungover. I'm foul when I'm hungover, so I am sure others are too. You can't
contaminate someone's bed with that. Do everything you can to get home
and fester in your own bed. People have things to do over the
weekend. I've had friends actually complain about their serious
girlfriends staying in their bed hungover too long!
Do pay attention to when the magic is over. The strangest thing about the random encounter is that point somewhere
in the wee hours of the morning where the magic wears off. Maybe it's
when those first birds start chirping and the reality of the event has
set in. Or maybe it's when you're lying next to random makeout person
with morning breath. When the magic's over, it's time to go.
Do not call/text your friends in bed. Not only does this log more hours for you in the bed, but it's rude to
just start contacting others while you're both lying there. Talk about
my terrible love-making skills when I'm not next to you!
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Posted in:
November 20, 2008 6:12 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
The term "ready" means that a person can function in a healthy
long-term relationship. Usually, we say he or she was "ready" when
they settle down.
People may think they are ready at 20, but
realize they have a long way to go at age 35, and the results are
usually not pretty. I am caught in the middle; every reason I have to
think I'm ready has a valid argument against it:
1. Ready: I am working and care about that work.
At
this point in my life, I'm interested in moving up and pursuing my
dreams professionally. Some of my dreams are closer than they have
ever been, and I'm constantly getting ideas to try new things to make
money. Now, more than ever, I feel like the world is my oyster.
...but I need time to get to where I want to be professionally.
With
so many opportunities, it is hard for me to work on building a
relationship. Plus, is it fair for me to get into something when I
can't put 110% effort into it because my mind is on getting to where I
want to be in the workforce? I keep telling myself, once I'm
completely comfortable professionally, I will be able to work on a
relationship.
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Posted in:
November 18, 2008 3:12 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Part of human intelligence is learning from mistakes. The common example is when a child touches a hot stove for the first time. That child knows never to touch that stove again because of the physical pain it caused.
But why do we repeat so many mistakes when it comes to emotion?
We learn at work when we make mistakes, we learn from horrible non-dating experiences in life:
One time I went to a concert when I was 15, thinking I had to get there as soon as the doors opened. But when a long-haired hooligan named Vinnie Moore opened for them with the phrase: "this one's called Cinnabon," before making my ears bleed with hellish guitar licks. I learned, at that point, never to attend the opening act portion of a concert.
I've learned to avoid saying stupid things to girls: once you've complimented a girl on how great her outfit looks, don't try to double-compliment her by saying looks like she got a great deal at Target too (only other girls can get away with that).
Emotional mistakes? Seems like we are gluttons for punishment. Here are some common emotional mistakes that we make, and repeat:
Taking them back
You broke up with him, but-even if he was a total jerk-there is still a little soft spot in your heart. You remember the good times, and-hey-it's not THAT fun being single. Often, we end up taking back people that have hurt us in the past or that just didn't work out. Not sure how often this works out, but doesn't it seem like we would be able to say "no"?
Believing this time is "the one"
I'm so guilty of this one-I get a number, I meet a girl, I feel like there is some kind of magical cloud hanging over me. I'm still single, so obviously I have been way off with these predictions. I mistakenly believe I've met "the one" about two times a year. You'd think that I'd learn not to get so ahead of myself at "hello".
Getting lied to repeatedly
Isn't it terrible when someone stays in a relationship while they are being lied to? It seems like everyone on the outside knows what's going on, and that person in the relationship believes everything to the point of blindness. In a perfect world, we'd learn from one lie; but often we think that lies are isolated incidents when in fact we could be getting lied to repeatedly.
Staying with the bastard (AKA "I can change him/her")
Why do we stay with people when they are jerks, and why do we keep thinking we can change people? It's much better to be alone than to be dating a jerk. Why can't we subscribe to that common sense?
Mistaking physical intimacy for emotional intimacy
When we are in the heat of the moment, emotional closeness gets all intertwined with physical closeness. Sometimes we feel that if we get close physically, it will eventually lead to a close emotional connection. I can say I have never gotten into anything special that was sparked by a physical connection and, believe me, I've tried. The deeper relationships grow out of a gradual emotional connection. Nevertheless, sometimes we think if we have sex, then something might come of it.
Emotional pain is much more complicated than physical pain or a mistake at work that you learn from and never repeat. This is why vets from wars may lose a leg but they are haunted more by the emotional residue of their experience. I guess Pat Benatar was right when she sung "Love Is A Battlefield," but it's a shame that we must go through pain, and make multiple mistakes to get to where we want to be in the dating world.
Humans naturally want to trust and love. We want to believe that the good in everyone will prevail, and it's devastating to come to grips with the fact that you may have misjudged someone. This is why we are prone to repeat emotional mistakes.
We are left to choose between withdrawing from dating, or going through the mistakes until you find the one, because it's almost impossible to know for sure that something will not be an emotional mistake until after it's too late.
What kinds of mistakes have you repeated in your dating life, and have you figured out a way to finally learn from them so you don't repeat them?
Posted in:
November 14, 2008 3:47 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
When you get suspicious that your significant other is cheating be
careful not to appear to be paranoid. You have to walk a fine line-you
don't want to make false accusations.
So, while I'm sharing
this list of cheating red flags, I concede that it's a tricky
situation. It's hard to be sure if someone's cheating, but protect
yourself: be vigilant, and pay attention to your mind and spirit
within the relationship. But, at the same time, be careful not to let
anxiety lead the way because unnecessary paranoia will just drive your
lover away.
Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:
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Posted in:
November 12, 2008 4:04 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
After all this cluelessness, I’ve finally discovered that it helps to become friends with someone before actually dating them. But, there are different levels and types of attractions that exist between friends.
We walk a dangerous line when we attempt to pull off the “friends with benefits” thing.
The “benefits” in that phrase refer to physical intimacy between friends. This is usually a recipe for disaster.
Usually it starts out fine. You are buddies, and you are attracted to one another. You end up making out on a random night, perhaps spending the night together. It feels great: here you are with someone you can actually stand being with, you’re giving in to your attraction and having a great time, no strings attached.
But the rules are all muddled. If you’re enjoying making out as “just friends,” you’re probably going to end up spending a lot of time together. And, usually, this time is spent partying. Because you are friends, why would you actually go out on dates? You end up meeting each other out, drinking and then heading home together.
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Posted in:
November 10, 2008 12:30 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
The reason I screw up so much is that I ignore my good instincts and
follow my bad instincts. I need to figure out how to just follow the
good ones. People like James Bond, Han Solo, 2008 Rich — superstuds.
They just make good decisions and don't make mistakes.
Here are two examples of ignoring good instincts, and one bad instinct that I have ignored but I fight every day:
Cheese Girl
One
summer I worked the deli at a Whole Foods; I was the rotisserie chicken
guy — definitely not the type of job that attracted many girls. However, like a circus, the workers at the supermarket all had this
strange camaraderie. So, it was this one magic summer when I had a
chance with this really hot blonde who worked in the cheese
department. With some prodding from my boys behind the deli case, I
worked up the guts to ask her out. And, because we both were stuck in
that supermarket — and ONLY because of that — she accepted.
We
went out to dinner, and when the waitress came by to take our drink
order, my date declined. I found this odd; I thought to myself:
There's some reason that you should NOT pressure her to order a
drink.
But, inexplicably, the following came out of my mouth:
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Posted in:
November 7, 2008 4:49 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
They say the "devil is in the details," but the other night, my friend and I were scanning the bar and noticing minor things about women. After reflecting on our observations, I put together four small things that guys notice that they don't often point out to women. Here they are:
Hands
I study a girl's hands pretty intensely. Beautiful hands can portray daintiness and strength at the same time. I notice manicures, and complexion. I imagine what it's like to hold them. I'm not much of a hand holder, but pretty hands will turn me into a hand holder. I even watch how a girl grips things. There are definitely different objects and shapes that look amazing in a girl's hands, such as a wine glass. A wine glass has delicate curves that play off a woman's hands. When I notice fingers that are appealing to me, I imagine how those fingertips would feel
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Posted in:
November 5, 2008 3:57 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
My friends and I are excited for the release of “Who’s Naylin’ Paylin,”
an X-rated film parody featuring a main character based on Sarah
Paline.
In this interview, Lisa Ann-- who plays Palin in the movie—divulges all
about production and her take on the social implications of the movie.
Not since my beloved "Edward Penishands" has a porn so campy caught my
eye. Because I’m an intellectual (yeah, right), I like these kinds of
porns that spoof things. It adds another layer to the whole thing
other than sex, sex, sex.
You guys know I’ve admitted Sarah Palin is hot, but this porn has shed some new light on why I think she’s so sexy.
Porn aims to take our fantasies and play them out on the screen. A lot
of this is done through stock characters: those types of characters
that are built around traditional cultural types.
Sarah Palin is sexy because she’s a combination of porn stock characters. Here are a handful of porn stock characters:
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Posted in:
November 4, 2008 7:04 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Have you ever wondered how much of your past romantic life you need to
reveal to new lovers as relationships get more and more serious?
I think there is probably a happy medium that can be applied to what
you tell your significant other about your past. There are a lot of
ways to package information so that it can accomplish what you need it
to.
Once you've gotten to a certain point in a relationship, the other
person should have demonstrated that they are strong and secure. But
certain things can chip away at that security-it's only natural.
Here are the boyfriends that I can deal with hearing about from a girlfriend:
- The very first boyfriend she thought she was in love with and thought she was going to marry
- Any bastard that screwed up consistently that can make me look better (hey, I need all the help I can get)
- The guy her parents liked a lot-this guy usually turns out to be pretty
lame, and manages to make me look "exciting" even though I'm lame too
- The guy that wasn't cute, but was really nice
So, what kind of info can I handle?
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Posted in:
November 3, 2008 1:31 PM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
Today I was thinking about how inexperienced and unadventurous I am in bed. I wish I could be super porno guy, but I just can't-not at this point in my life. Here is the laundry list of things I've never tried in bed:
Video
Most
of the time, the girl I'm with is cute enough to be on video, but I
would ruin it. Why would I want to see my beer gut on camera over and
over again? Plus, doesn't the camera add ten pounds or something?
Furthermore, I'd want the movie to be good and I'd want the girl to be
having a good time. If I'm anxious
performing without a camera, I can only imagine how nervous I'd be with
the electronic eye scrutinizing my every move. And one more thing: I
tend to lose things. Whether it's a computer file, or a tape, or DVD,
if I lost it I'd be in big trouble.
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Posted in:
October 28, 2008 6:54 AM by Rich Santos | COMMENTS
I can't find the "perfect" girl because I've created a personality in my mind that may not exist.
My perfect girl could be characterized as a "Tom-Princess".
Here are five contradictions that exist in my imaginary ideal girl:
1. She is very put together, but she doesn't mind coming apart.
I
go crazy for girls who look polished on the surface: pretty hair cut
straight across the back, perfect bangs with that amazing diagonal
slant that almost hides one eye. I love when a girl pays attention to
fashion too: jeans with heels, creative looks, or anything that just
works for her.
While she's polished, I want her to be able to
laugh at herself when she's caught in the rain or when she trips over a
rift in the concrete. She's not always dressed up, she'll love to veg
in sweats as well.
She'll basically walk into a room looking
like a goddess, but prove to be very down to earth under all of the
polish. She's the gorgeous one who can drink with the best of them and
get a bit rowdy at a party. She likes to get a martini in a nice
lounge or check out fine art, but also likes playing flag football,
camping or fishing.
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