The 3 Weirdest News Stories of the Week

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It's been a crazy week, and it's only Thursday. Maybe the summer heat's just getting to everyone? Or World Cup fever is bringing out the weirdos? Regardless, we've read a ton of ridiculous stories lately, and these three are, by far, our favorites.

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1. Ballerina Robbed for Her Shoes

Two muggers attacked American Ballet Theater guest artist Natalia Osipova (a star of the Bolshoi Ballet) outside New York's Metropolitan Opera House on Tuesday. The scumbags punched the world-famous ballerina in the nose and stole the bag she was carrying. But the joke's on them: Osipova's agent says she will be fine to perform in "Sleeping Beauty" on Saturday night, and get this — she'd left her passport and money at home and her computer at the Met, so all the thieves made off with was her toe shoes and the hammer she uses to shape them!

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2. German Man Attacks Hell's Angels with … a Puppy?

This so reminds us of Monty Python's "Spanish Inquisition" ("Poke her with the soft cushions!"): A 26-year-old student in Germany carrying a puppy and wearing only shorts inexplicably decided to moon a group of Hell's Angels at their clubhouse near Munich. He then threw the dog at the bikers and — this might be the best part — escaped on a bulldozer. Which went so slowly that he caused a 5-kilometer traffic jam. Which caused him to abandon the bulldozer and start hitchhiking. Some time after reaching his home, he was arrested. A possible explanation for all this? He'd gone off his depression medication. But this quote from a police spokesman sort of says it all: "What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear."

3. "Touchdown Jesus" Statue Goes up in Flames

A 62-foot statue of Jesus at a "megachurch" in Ohio was struck by lightning on Monday and completely incinerated, leaving only the oddly abstract metal frame that had previously given the Styrofoam-and-fiberglass monument its shape. Locals were awestruck, with some calling the lightning strike an "act of God." Many were simply sad to see the famed roadside attraction (known to some as "Touchdown Jesus" thanks to the referee-like position of His arms) disappear. We say, just watch the video. Seriously.

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