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Dorothy Allred Solomon
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August 22, 2008 12:00 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
A woman who had read a book about the FLDS emailed me to ask why my attitude toward polygamy seemed so different. It's not that I'm "soft on polygamy" in the sense that I'm blind to its inherent problems. As a monogamist of forty years, I obviously chose not to live that way. Besides the fact that polygamy is against the law-the biggest strike against it, in my view-plural marriage is a difficult way to live. Lots of women and children vying for the attention and affection of one man play all sorts of games with each other, replete with winners and losers and cheaters. The polygamous patriarch-even if he's a humble man-can't help but get all puffed up with his own power and importance.
But there are compensations, too. As I watch people struggle to live monogamously, I can see the advantages of the way I was raised: In this day of escalating divorce, it's significant that people have a harder time breaking marriage vows when they've made them with more than one person. My father's sixth wife was Rulon Jeffs' sister, therefore Warren Jeffs' aunt. When she decided to leave my father and his religious group to become her brother's keeper in the FLDS, she had as much difficulty separating herself from her six sister-wives as she did in divorcing my father. Maybe the more people committed to one marriage, the greater the commitment that is forged among them. Sometimes polygamy can be an economic boon, if family members employ division of labor. In our family, one wife would work and another would keep house and raise the children. The working mother felt good about being gone all day, knowing that her children were being cared for and nurtured by someone who shared her values.
Children who grow up in the care of many loving adults thrive. In my own case, this love counterbalanced the uncertainties of our way of life--of knowing that we could be "raided" at any moment; of fearing that in the sea of children we did not matter; of wishing that we were like our "normal" neighbors.
One key to successful plural life seems to be the willingness of the patriarch to be fair. When my father bought a vacuum cleaner for one wife, he bought one for all the others, too. According to Carolyn's account, Merrill Jessop didn't even try to be fair. He allowed himself to be manipulated by one wife while all the others suffered. And suffer they did.
Which brings me to the biggest reason I can indulge in a kind and tolerant perspective on plural marriage: I grew up in polygamy, but I have never been a plural wife. I suspect I'd make life hell for another woman-and she for me. I'd like to believe I could be as charitable and generous-spirited as my mother was, but I suspect I'd fail miserably. To live plural marriage successfully takes a refined spirit and a willingness to place the good of the family far above your own personal wants and needs. I'm not a big enough person to even think about it.
Posted in:
August 19, 2008 10:58 AM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Sometimes as I write these blog posts, I fear that I'm losing my sense of humor. But it's really hard to find much that's funny about fundamentalism once you get past the jeans and tennis shoes under prairie dresses, and the stiff, sugar-watered hair, and the long underwear and tight stockings worn in summer desert heat. The costumes do make one think of Shakespeare's Malvolio overdressed in yellow tights, attempting to convince his intended of his nobility.
But so much about the FLDS situation is desperate and dismal and perverse. When I try to find fun, I feel cynical and cavalier. To be satirical is to heap further mortification on people whose dignity has become threadbare.
I long to rove into other spheres of fundamentalism and laugh about the time the wives fought over my father's shirts. Well, they didn't actually fight. One wife would steal his shirts from another wife's home so that my father would have to bathe or shower at the "thief's" home, where he would also stay for breakfast. This clandestine rivalry led to some slapstick-my father grimacing as he raced across the graveled yard between houses in his bathrobe and bare feet, looking for his clothes.
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August 18, 2008 8:14 AM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
"What luck for the rulers that men do not think." -Adolf Hitler
The beleaguered members of the FLDS Church may be gradually awakening to the costs-in real, monetary terms-of being led by corrupt leaders. In recent months, people who lost their homes and families, and those who lost their innocence, have brought suit against the FLDS Church. A board appointed to handle the allocation of settlements and judgments has sold the Harker Ranch, which once grew many of the crops used to feed the FLDS members. And trustee Bruce Wisen announced plans to assess a monthly fee on FLDS homes-those who refuse risk eviction. But many of these people live in homes built by their grandparents and great-grandparents on land that long ago was purchased and developed by their families. These people probably assumed that their tithes and offerings were being used to maintain FLDS property and to insure their own security along with that of their children. Instead, it seems that the tithes paid by the FLDS members may actually be used to subsidize their leaders' perversion and greed.
Posted in:
August 15, 2008 2:11 AM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Somewhere in my mind, the definitions of "stubborn" and "fundamentalist" have merged. I watch the news and notice that even after losing their children for two months in the YFZ raid, some mothers are more committed to being stubborn than they are to keeping their children. Two women married to Merrill Jessop may lose their children to foster homes if they don't cooperate with the court by signing an agreement to keep their children out of harm's way. The "harm" consists of the children's exposure to men who may force them into an early marriage-in other words, underage sexual assault. It seems these women care more about supporting men who think it's ok to abuse young girls in the name of religion than they do about the well being of their own children. Such blind loyalty and stubborn steadfastness can't be seen as devotion. Can it?
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August 14, 2008 10:55 AM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Recently, one of my insightful friends wrote, "I got thinking about polygamy and how interesting it was that the saints were commanded to live that principle over a hundred years ago and not today. Honestly, I think it would really go over well today, since more and more marriages are seen as 'open' and fidelity is optional." She mentioned that the early Latter-day Saints considered polygamy a hardship, while people today struggle with monogamy.
My friend points up the polygamous character of our culture, although people in the mainstream don't generally commit to polygamous relationships as fundamentalists claim to do. According to recent polls, women in America are almost as likely as men to engage in extramarital relationships-over sixty percent of them. Roughly two out of three marriages are headed for divorce and thus, serial polygamy. And many people will remain uncommitted and unmarried, finding sexual and romantic partners in a 'catch as catch can' style. The question hovers: which way of life breeds a stronger nest for shoring up the character of the relationship and the children born into the relationship? The time for a responsible, penetrating, and authentic study of polygamy by choice versus "accidental" polygamy is upon us.
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August 13, 2008 12:15 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
A coalition has been formed in the small Colorado community of Westcliffe, located near the Bull Domingo Ranch where a group of FLDS members have taken refuge. The coalition's action committee, called "Step Up," has invited several FLDS detractors, beginning with Laurie Allen. Allen's vitriolic Banking On Heaven video paints the FLDS to look like the violent and crazy LeBaron group into which she was born and raised. "Step Up" has enthusiastically engaged in educating themselves about their FLDS neighbors by reading books by Stephen Singular, Carolyn Jessop, and Jon Krakauer--all vehement critics of the FLDS people and their way of life.
Gathering evidence to prove you are right about a preconceived conclusion doesn't result in real education. Rather, it breeds prejudice and creates intolerance. A one-sided "education" could be better termed "propaganda" because it doesn't present both sides of the story and because the information flows from sources who have a fixed position and agenda. I have a question for the good people of Westcliffe: Why not walk down the road, knock on the door of the Steed residence, introduce yourself, and have a real conversation? Your FLDS neighbors will likely learn as much from an authentic encounter as you will. The best education is the one you experience first-hand.
Posted in:
August 12, 2008 11:56 AM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
The Associated Press repor
ted that Kelly Fischer has appealed his conviction of sexual conduct with a minor. One of the "Colorado City Eight" prosecuted for taking underage teens as plural wives, Fischer claims that his religious freedoms-which are protected under the 1st and the 14th Amendments-have been violated because Arizona law prohibits the practice of plural marriage. But the appeals court upheld the original decision and stipulated that people have "the right to believe and profess whatever religious doctrine they wish, but no absolute right" to live their beliefs. Invoking an 1878 precedent, the ruling judge stated, "Conduct remains subject to regulation for the benefit of society." The judge also noted that Arizona law constitutionally prohibits sexual activity with a minor-regardless of the minor's consent.
In other words, you have the right to believe anything you want and you have the right to talk about it freely, but you don't necessarily have the right to carry out what you believe. I, for one, am grateful that people who believe in human sacrifice don't have permission to perform sacrifices. And I sure don't think pedophiles should be able to cry "religious freedom" as an excuse for sexually abusing little girls-even if the little girls say they want to be abused.
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August 11, 2008 1:16 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Warren Jeffs gets love letters in his prison cell, some of them written by the young girls he married-twelve, thirteen, fourteen years old. It's pathetic and a little nauseating to think of a pretty young woman wiling her tender life away with dreamed-up concoctions of celestial bliss with a convicted felon. Yet the desires of fundamentalist girls aren't too different from the fantasies of other young women, who are notoriously dreamy in adolescence. Such has been the subject of novels and plays throughout literary history: Romeo and Juliet, Kathy and Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, Maria and Tony in West Side Story. As long as Warren Jeffs is beyond reach-whether in a prison cell or in a grave-fusty, fickle reality can't interfere with the pristine ideal.
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August 8, 2008 12:41 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Psychologists point out that the opposite of love is not hate, it's
apathy. Indifference seems anathema to the bonds of caring that we
call love. In a big family, the potential for more affection can
result in a greater sense of security, a higher incidence of fond
expressions, and generally more love to go around. But when insecurity
prevails, the potential for apathy increases. Just as FLDS followers
can distance themselves from their neighbors and wholly discount the
"wicked world," they can also insulate themselves from each other.
Warren Jeffs has proven his willingness to hack away family bonds and
excommunicate lifelong FLDS members at his whim.
READ MORE 
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August 7, 2008 1:55 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
I've been reading Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series, where a young woman falls in love with a vampire and has to deal with the prejudices of the general public about the undead. We humans are so intolerant! :) I think of Hamlet's warning to his friend, "There more things between Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Remember, this is "the dawning of the Age of Aquarius." We live in an era of secret worlds revealed, when even the primitive tribes of the Amazon, hidden for millennia, can be viewed on television screens everywhere. How predictable then, that the "peculiar people" who believe that God wants them to practice plural marriage would have their lives advertised on the tube and in print throughout the world. Whether we like it or not, we live in the prophesied time when our secret lives are "shouted from the rooftops:" the Information Age. As with the famous apple, and all knowledge, whether we use the information for good or ill is up to us.
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August 6, 2008 1:47 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
What goes around comes around--even if you don't believe in karma. In the beautiful Creston Valley in British Columbia, Canada (where Teressa Wall Blackmore raised her children) a split occurred in the polygamous community some years ago. Longtime "Bishop of Bountiful" Winston Blackmore had gathered a loyal following that must have been threatening to Warren Jeffs. Jeffs replaced Winston with a more malleable bishop, one he could count on not to upstage him. But Bishop Winston wasn't willing to be undermined. Half the FLDS community insisted on upholding him as their leader. Those who remained loyal to Warren Jeffs continued going to the FLDS school, but would not allow the "Winstonites" to attend.
Now, years later, Warren Jeffs' self-serving decision has come back on him--like many other decisions he allegedly made (especially the decision to force underage girls into marriages of his choosing). The FLDS school board may soon be relieved of their responsibilities by court-appointed trustee Bruce Wisan. The reason? The Canadian government funds the FLDS school with hundreds of thousands of dollars each year. Since half the community of Bountiful (the Winston Blackmore half) is barred from attending the FLDS school, the school board is violating basic rules of public education. So, Warren Jeffs' FLDS board of education special-cased itself right out of the picture. Karma does catch up--even if you don't believe in karma.
Posted in:
August 5, 2008 5:17 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Typically, fundamentalist polygamists have tried to keep themselves
exempt from the ways of "the wicked world." But the alleged crimes of
polygamous patriarchs have eroded their insular world, placing
polygamists under scrutiny. And patriarchs have retaliated. In the
past week, a series of controversies have proved that polygamists can
sling mud with the most seasoned politicians. When FLDS apostate Dan
Fischer testified against his former sect before the Senate Judiciary
Committee, sect attorneys filed fourteen affidavits from his children
and his former plural wives accusing Fischer of lies, non-support, and
abuse.
READ MORE
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August 4, 2008 10:51 AM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
People keep asking me how plural wives live together without getting in
each other's way. "I'd beat up a woman who messed with my house," said
one woman. "No telling what I'd do if she went to bed with my husband!"
No
wonder the mainstream woman is puzzled by videos of FLDS sisterwives
embracing each other, comforting each other, and walking arm-in-arm.
No wonder she disbelieves a woman in her fifties who promises to
cherish her husband's teen bride-one she'll have to teach "the ropes"
of motherhood. Why don't too many cooks spoil the broth in polygamous
households?
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August 1, 2008 3:30 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Some people ask if early marriage is mandated for FLDS teens? The obvious answer is "no," since only some of the girls aged 12 to 16 are married. Many are allowed to reach the ripe old age of 18 before being "assigned." So why do some marry young, while others don't?
We can look in a couple of directions. I tend to look to my own family for information, since my father took his wives under similar priesthood leadership, before the FLDS and AUB became separate entities. He married two fifteen year-olds. The first, Aunt "Rachel" worried her father with her inclination toward sensuality. Rachel's mother had died giving birth, and although his plural wives looked after her, her father may have worried that if she didn't get married, she'd get "in trouble." My father married her as requested, but didn't consummate the relationship until she was older.
The second woman had been the mothers' favored babysitter, and she made it clear to her father that she wanted to come into Dr. Allred's family. But she probably didn't expect to marry him until she was older. My father had been sentenced to prison for illegal cohabitation, so they married the night before he sentence began. She had no warning, was dressed in her nightgown, hair braided for bed, feet dusty from the coal bin where she'd propped her feet while doing her math homework at the kitchen table. Her father married them in my father's doctor's office, with no one else present-it was to be kept a secret even from her mother. My father forgot to kiss her after the ceremony, and she had to remind him. They didn't consummate the marriage until after he'd served his sentence and then some, since conditions of his parole precluded his being with his plural wives.
We can also look at the experience of Elissa Wall, whose nightmare marriage at the age of fourteen to her cousin Allen Steed is the focal point of her book, Stolen Innocence. Elissa gave her priesthood leaders big headaches. Like her brothers and her sister, Teressa, Elissa objected to religious leaders breaking up her parents' marriage. Elissa asked too many questions. She showed subtle signs of rebellion. And because she was so deeply bonded to her mother, she interfered in her mother's second marriage, to Colorado City Bishop, Fred Jessop. "Fred didn't like Elissa for some reason," Teressa told me. "He wanted to get her out of the house." He also wanted to reward Elissa's cousin, Allen Steed, for being a loyal follower. So he talked Warren Jeffs into assigning Elissa to Allen-against her initial pleas and her subsequent refusal. In the final analysis, Elissa was forced to marry Allen as the outcome of a power struggle between a teenaged girl and the head of the FLDS community.
I suspect that girls are assigned to marry young because they are precocious-intellectually or emotionally or sexually. But that doesn't mean it's justifiable. Gifted teens sometimes start college when they're fourteen or fifteen, but that doesn't mean they're ready to attend frat parties. Precocity doesn't equal readiness for adult life. Right?
Posted in:
July 31, 2008 3:40 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Recently a young woman interviewed me for a paper she was writing on polygamy. One of her first questions involved incestuous marriages. People tend to equate polygamy with incestuous marriage partly because of the widely publicized Kingston case, when a sixteen-year-old girl protested being forced to marry her uncle. But not all polygamous groups condone incestuous marriages. In my father's religious group (which later became the Apostolic United Brethren, or AUB) any sort of incest was taboo, as it is in most cultures. As a doctor, my father knew the hazards of genetic coupling and he wouldn't support the marriage of second cousins, let alone closer relatives. As the attending physician in many fundamentalist communities, he had witnessed horrific births when polygamous people ignored this taboo, where children came into the world with severe and heart-wrenching deformities. Despite his lectures and strong advice, many patriarchs stubbornly continued the practice.
Now that two of the men arrested in Texas are charged with marrying underage girls who were also relatives, the question rises again: Why do polygamists figure they are exempt from the ancient and scientifically-sustained taboo against marrying and bearing children with members of one's own family? The answer has to do with the same entitlement that accompanies polygamy in general: a belief in eugenic breeding. In these circumstances, eugenic breeding is rooted in the idea that people who are "called to live the Principle of Plural Marriage" are somehow superior to other members of the human race: more intelligent, better looking, physically superior, etc. If the idea seems familiar, look to Germany during the Holocaust. Eugenic breeding was used to justify the murder of millions among of mental patients, political activists, retarded people, and various ethnic groups, including gypsies and Jews so that the "Aryan race" could retain its "purity."
As for me, I think people who go to such lengths to justify their "superiority" are covering deep-seated fears of inferiority. What do you think?
Posted in:
July 30, 2008 1:45 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Merrill Jessop, a leader in the FLDS community and top dog at the YFZ
Ranch, may not be in prison, but two of his namesakes have been
arrested, along with three other patriarachs, with bail set at $100,000
each. Raymond Merrill Jessop allegedly assaulted a minor in 2004, and
Merrill Leroy Jessop took an ingénue to wife in 2006. After hearing
Merrill Jessop's fifth wife, Carolyn, talk about her husband in her
book, Escape, I'm amazed that the Jessops try to make marriage work
with anyone, let alone a plural marriage to girls who are effectively
children! Carolyn reports that sex between fundamentalists is awkward
and functional-that they must work around layers of unshed clothing and
that sensual pleasure doesn't enter the equation.
READ MORE
Posted in:
July 29, 2008 12:46 PM by Dorothy Allred Solomon | COMMENTS
Principle Voices, an organization advocating the right to live the religious "Principle of Plural Marriage," disagrees with Senator Harry Reid's Victims of Polygamy Assistance Act 2008. Principle Voices fundamentally objects to the proposal that funds be offered to help people leave polygamy.
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