Can You Beat These Two Horrible Date Stories?
Rich Santos
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I’ve decided to give you a
depository where you can vent your bad date stories. So let me get the ball
rolling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are two terrible
ones from the dating files from two of my friends:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Margaret</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">You all remember my dear
Southern friend Margaret (the one who went out with the guy with the hairy
back).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is one of my greatest
sources for terrible date stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of her most harrowing dates occurred at her <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debutante" target="_blank" title="Debutante Traditions">Debutante</a> Dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, you read that correctly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Margaret’s Debutante
Dinner was a gala event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even her
87-year-old grandmother made it, something that impressed the entire
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her on-and-off boyfriend
at the time, Jake, “invited himself” to be her date, promising that he’d
behave—despite his history of reckless behavior on dates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Jake’s promise evaporated
faster than a gasoline puddle in the sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After dinner, Margaret went to her hotel room to change into her ball
gown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the meantime, Jake decided
to “tailgate” the ceremony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
found Margaret’s friends in a hotel room and proceeded to down an entire bottle
of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldschläger" target="_blank" title="Goldschlager">Goldschlager</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wasted, he headed
back to the ballroom and accosted Margaret’s grandmother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Margaret found him muttering about
fishing and pried him away from her grandmother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After returning to their hotel room, he promptly got bored
and left, informing Margaret that he was going to “look for drugs”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then walked up and down the halls of
the most luxurious hotel in Richmond, VA—the Jefferson (think the Overlook hotel in Stephen King's<span style="font-style: italic;"> The Shining</span>)—asking guests in every
room if they knew where he could score some Ritalin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><img class="image_id__186295" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/jefferson.jpg" border="0" alt="The Jefferson" title="Can You Score Ritalin Here?" width="300" height="225" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Upon his return to the hotel room, his drug run coming up
empty, he propositioned Margaret and her female cousin for a threesome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After Margaret turned down his romantic
request for an incestual threesome, he passed out drunk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, Margaret continued to be his
on-and-off again girlfriend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
other day she announced: “ah don’t think we ev-uh had sobe-uh (sober) sex in
three years of bein’ togeth-uh”.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Veronica</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Veronica met Bill at a
hockey game. Keeping in line with cliché, Bill bought Veronica a drink from a
few rows back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After Veronica was
told “compliments of the gentleman in Row 15”, the two exchanged details.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Bill reached out via a
series of hastily written emails that looked like the work of a mad man.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">“we shuld get together
some tme soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>maybe ew should gte
a drink or smothing?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">There were so many things
wrong here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy didn’t even
have the courtesy to check his email over for general clarity and
spelling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This sat poorly with me
because I intensely check<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>over my
emails, edit, cut, copy, paste and have two girlfriends check for “general
creepiness” until the training wheels are off and I can write them on my
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Unfortunately for Bill, he
had no helpers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Veronica, after
ignoring my advice not to go with him due to the fact that she cringed every
time she got an email from him, agreed to meet for drinks after work at the
rooftop bar of the Gansevoort Hotel.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><img class="image_id__186296" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/gansevoort.jpg" border="0" alt="The Gansevoort Hotel" title="The Gansevoort: Pretty View, Bad Behavior" width="300" height="225" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Even though Veronica had
said she was coming alone, Bill decided it was appropriate to bring two friends
with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also decided to get
drunk before she even got there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill also thought it was a good idea to be extremely aggressive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After lighting his cigarette in the bar
with a candle holder (no smoking allowed in NYC bars), he started to make it
known that he wanted some action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The over-aggressiveness culminated in groping to the point where Bill
had a hold of Veronica’s bra in the back and pulled it until it snapped (the
old move popularized during 8<sup>th</sup> grade recess).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She ran into the bathroom and called
some friends to find out where they were and frantically left the bar to meet
them.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">A week later, Bill made
the situation twice as sad and awkward when he emailed her:</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">“hey haven’t headr from
you in a while. was it sumething i sed?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Amazing how guys like this
never think they did anything wrong with a girl, while I'm always thinking I did something wrong no matter what.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">So there are some examples
of awful dates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you top
these?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do any of you feel that you
are just magnets for horrible dating experiences?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And have you ever stopped seeing a guy because he is a total
jerk when drunk, even though he’s fine when sober?</span></p>
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