Is It Best To Be "Cute", "Sexy", or "Hot"?

Sex, Romance, Dating, and more from our real-world woman.

Rich Santos  As far as “attractive adjectives” go, I usually get “cute” instead of “hot”.  My friends and I have decided that some people are “cute”, some are “hot”, and some are “sexy”. After some thought, I decided to define each word, complete with celebrity examples (yes, I even include guys—I’m a good sport), and occupations.    Cute   Unlike “hot” and “sexy”, people can morph in and out of cute.  For example, someone can grow on you and eventually become cute. When I dated Other Emily, she thought my Neanderthal way of holding a fork was “cute”.  But, in her breakup letter that shredded my very being, she said that I was a “ignorant (learn how to use utensils) bastard”.  Perhaps the most revealing anecdote that supports the versatility of the word “cute” is my sister’s statement from when she encountered a giant roach in her old apartment:   “I mean I tried to convince myself it was cute but I just couldn’t.”   So, is it easy to be cute?  Cute seems like a personality word.  If someone is sweet, and honest, they can be cute:  see The Hunchback of Notre Dame and The Beast from Beauty and the Beast—or Jackie Chan from The Tuxedo who somehow hit it off with Jennifer Love Hewitt.  I mean, come on.  Being called “cute” makes me nervous because it is so overused by girls:   “That’s that cute salad bowl that goes with the cute table cloth that you can put on that cute table on your back deck under that really cute umbrella.”   OK, so you said I was cute, but so is that salad bowl?   “Cute” also makes me nervous because guys use it in a dismissive way:   “How did your blind date look?” “Eh, she was cute, but no sparks.”   “Cute” seems to be a badge of acceptance for girls.  When girls I know judge other girls, “cute” means they like them.   Overall, cute seems to encompass a person’s entire being: their spirit, their personality, and eventually their looks.    Celeb Examples:  Reese Witherspoon, Hilary Duff, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Kate Hudson, Ashlee Simpson (pre-nose job), Orlando Bloom   Occupations:  Vet, Teacher, Nurse   <img class="image_id__186297" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/hunchback.jpg" border="0" alt="Hunchback" title="Hunchback" width="300" height="206" /><img src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/kate_hudson.jpg" border="0" alt="Kate Hudson" title="Kate Hudson" width="175" height="233" />   Hot   Hot is purely physical.  A person who is extremely attractive is hot—and they don’t even have to speak to get your attention.  A hot person can be a total son-of-a-bitch and still be hot in the end—as my friend proved the other day when she said:   “<a href="http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/notorious/bundy/index.html" target="_blank" title="Ted Bundy">Ted Bundy</a> was hot”.   Yikes.  Everyone says it: that person really sucked or screwed me over but gosh were they hot.  Unlike cute—people can’t move in and out of hot—if you’re hot, you’re hot.    Celeb Examples:  Brad Pitt, Pam Anderson, Tom Brady, David Beckham, Ashlee Simpson (post-nose job)...and Ted Bundy I guess? Occupations:  Professional Athletes, Strippers, Actors/Actresses   <img class="image_id__186299" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/beckham.jpg" border="0" alt="David Beckham" title="David Beckham" width="175" height="233" /><img class="image_id__186300" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/pam anderson.jpg" border="0" alt="Pam Anderson" title="Pam Anderson" width="175" height="251" />   Sexy   Sexy is something you can’t teach—and it’s also the least used of the three adjectives.  Sexy means that someone has an heir of mystery, confidence, sophistication—or all of the above.  And, if society didn’t dictate that we must behave, we’d sleep with this person whenever, wherever.   Sexy is usually very physically attractive, but not always—as evidenced by the countless times I’ve had the following conversation with my buddies:   “Do you think she’s good looking?” “No”. “Would you have sex with her?” “Sure.”   So, a nose that is slightly imperfect can be sexy to some people.  Sexiness has the ability to cast a spell and take hold of someone.  Try as you might, you most likely can’t get away from desiring that person.  Sexy can be linked with cute or hot in a perfect world.   Examples:  Angelina Jolie, Eric Bana, Kathleen Turner in the 80’s, Jack Nicholson in the '70’s, Jake Gyllenhaal, Johnny Depp, Madonna, Marylin Munroe Occupations:  Surgeon, Artist/Musician, Entrepreneur   <img class="image_id__186302" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/angelina2.jpg" border="0" alt="Angelina Jolie" title="Angelina Jolie" width="175" height="233" /><img class="image_id__186303" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/johnny depp.jpg" border="0" alt="Johnny Depp" title="Johnny Depp" width="175" height="220" />   I would like to be cute, but eventually develop into sexy with someone. Girls tell me that they want to date the cute guy, and they have lots of hot jerks in their dating history.  Girls also seem to be deeper when judging guys:  they consider personality, and spirit.  Guys tend to just go on looks.  The beautiful thing about these three words is that they mean different things to different people.  A cute person might be hot to another and sexy to another.  There’s someone out there for everyone: maybe there are even people out there that think roaches are cute.   What are you most often described as: “cute”, “sexy” or “hot”?  What are your thoughts on the words: what do they mean to you?  Do you find that your significant other is all three of these in your eyes?

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