He's Not Into You if He Won't Go Out His Way For You

Rich Santos    The other day I unwittingly answered the ever-popular question as to why guys disappear after seeming so interested. I’ve been the victim of girls pulling strange disappearing acts on me as well.  So, I stepped back and looked at it on a human level and tried to simplify it as much as possible.    Lately, I’ve been on a string of dates that have been OK, but nothing special.  My friends (more and more of which are getting engaged or more serious with their significant others) have been asking me to assess every date, since the spotlight is focusing more on me these days.  After getting berated by statements such as: “you’re too picky,” “you’re just making excuses to stay single,” “stop being so critical,” I finally came out with:   “I’m not going to be into anyone or anything that I don’t want to go out of my way for.”   After I finally said it, the light bulb went on in my head.  Yeah, I’m picky—there’s not much I will go out of my way for.  But how many people really go out of their way for many things?  And how many unions between two people occur out of convenience: “it was just so easy—it was right”, versus “I realized when I would do anything to get to see them, they were the right one”?   Here are the things I go out of my way for in no particular order:  Chic-Fil-A/Wendy’s, Maryland Terps Football/Baseball, Baltimore Ravens Football, Baltimore Orioles Baseball, University of Delaware sports, day time drinking in the sun, the beach, home grown tomatoes,  amazing music, my friends and family, pets, fresh vegetables, the gym (even though I hate every minute I spend there), true crime or history or nature shows on History Channel or Discovery Channel...to name a few.   <img class="image_id__184717" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/ravens_logo_small.gif" border="0" alt="Ravens Logo" title="I'd Go Out Of My Way For This Any Day" width="200" height="200" />   When I say “go out of my way for”, I mean:  make a really abrupt lane change all the way to the right to jump off on the exit, make a tough left turn and go two miles down the road to get to it—during a long trip...I mean:  like <a href="http://www.lordoftherings.net/" target="_blank" title="Lord of the Rings">what the Hobbits went through to get rid of that ring</a>.   So far, I have not met many girls that I’d go out of my way for.  I used to get crushes on girls in high school around the time I got my license.  While driving, I had various  “routes” that were completely out of the way so that I could just drive past a girl’s house.  My friends would groan as I announced, “OK, we are going to take the Vanessa Coe Thruway on the way to school”.  One of my favorite girls in New York City (she doesn’t know this, and I’ve never talked to her beyond ordering a drink) is a bartender at <a href="http://www.pourhousenyc.com/" target="_blank" title="The Village Pourhouse">The Village Pourhouse</a> in the East Village.  Every now and then, I will stop by there for a drink, regardless of the plans for the evening.  I go out of my way to see her, and get a chance (even though I blow it every time) to talk to her.   <img class="image_id__184718" src="http://www.marieclaire.com/media/cm/marieclaire/images/Nazgul.png" border="0" alt="Ringwraith" title="I'd Brave Being Chased By Him To Be With You" width="195" height="273" />   So, girls, if you’re wondering if this guy is into you—consider whether he ever goes out of his way to get to you.  Don’t bend over backwards and adjust your life too much to see him.  What if you do this all the time, and he never does?  Does he put unimportant things in front of you?  Remember in a previous post, I once went to play in a random soccer game instead of going to my girlfriend’s birthday—I wanted to break up with her.  Limiting your accessibility is helpful in assessing if a guy is into you.  Not only does it make you look like you have a lot going on, and you’re not an easy prize—but it also tests him to see what kind of lengths he’ll go through to see you.  The difficult (and evil) thing about guys is that they will go out of their way just for sex most of the time.   Look again at my list of things above.  Of course every guy will have his goofy stupid things he goes out of his way for.  Your goal is to get into that “friends/family” part of the list.    Do you all find that limiting your accessibility is a good test?  And, in all honesty, how many things do you really go out of your way for?  Does it ease your frustration when you realize that people, by nature, do not go out of their way for many things?

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