The first time I ever felt a girl up I was in seventh grade and it happened outside of the gym at a dance. It was a strange experience-there were a few guys who took turns feeling the girl up. It was very mechanical, and unemotional except for maybe some nerves and confusion.
The following Monday, rumor got all around our school that this girl had gone outside and let us all feel her up. The effects were devastating for the girl. After this, I took a hiatus from feeling girls up-maybe because it wasn't that great at the time, or maybe just because I couldn't get any. But, as it turned out, if anyone wanted to feel a girl up, they could go to this girl who we all felt up outside of that dance.
A few years later I found out that this girl, who had left our school, ended up hooked on heroin and generally broken. She had also gotten very promiscuous.
I often wondered if she would have gotten into drugs and been promiscuous if she had not been involved in this experience with my friends and I, and then been disrespected immediately the following Monday after we felt her up.
Am I making too big a deal out of this experience in her life?
I've been thinking about promiscuity and how it is most likely linked to someone's life situation. Unfortunately, we are in a society that does not vilify men as much for sleeping around. The nickname "player" for a man does not carry the same stigma as the word "slut" which we use for a promiscuous woman.
So, this has to be linked to some deep psychological experience or collection of experiences.
My theory is that the combination of any of the following can contribute to promiscuous behavior:
- Being raised in a household where sex was taken lightly or not included in education
- Too much exposure, or too little exposure to sex during one's early years
- Traumatic experiences early on with the opposite sex
- Intense loneliness in life and desire to be accepted
- Being too trusting-or falling for guys too easily
- Trying to make up for other problems in life-financial, loss of job, etc.
My promiscuous moments have all occurred at times when I was feeling like I could throw consequences out the window. But I've never had sex when feeling depressed-usually because I knew that meaningless sex would depress me more (or, once again, maybe because I can't get any).
I can tell you that guys rarely stick with a girl who has sex on the first night-which is kind of hypocritical considering guys seem to always be after sex. But, no guy I ever knew ended up in a serious relationship with a girl who he had sex with too fast. This leads me to believe that promiscuity may be a short term solution for someone who is feeling empty, but it just seems to create more problems-much like a drug.
One day in college, my friends and I were discussing another friend. The friend we were talking about had become quite promiscuous even though she hadn't had a history or promiscuity. This was happening during a big change in her life: her parents were getting divorced. I'll never forget our conversation:
Me: "Maybe she's just looking for male companionship in her life because her dad is moving out and kind of let her down."
My Friend: "Maybe she's just a slut."
So was it more complex like I thought? Or was it as simple as my friend put it?
What are the roots of promiscuity? My gut tells me that it has to start with the parents. But, does a person prone to promiscuity usually have a string of negative experiences with guys? Can you tell me what you think causes promiscuity through you or your friend's experiences? And, has casual sex or promiscuous behavior ever led to a long-term relationship for you or any friends?