Lovelies:

There sure is a lot to catch up on. I hung out with my (devastatingly adorable) friend Daniel Dean the other day, and he told me the real story of his tattoo, so there's that. (And also, maybe, my slight crush on him.) Then there's the married dude--in an open relationship--who is suddenly on the scene. Plus, I want to break up with someone: my therapist! Should I do it? (We can get into that some other day.) And then there's just some other, more general stuff: like how my (lady) friend Duval is such a great flirtatious human that she not only gives me insights into how I might become a better flirt myself; her flirtatious attention also emboldens me to get out there, and engage with the world!

BUT ...

I've been posting a lot of long-winded stuff about my life lately, and today, I'm going to lighten it up a little. So I'm going to tell you about some of the wacky phrases that people in different parts of the world use when they want to flirt.

To write his new book I'M NOT HANGING NOODLES ON YOUR EARS (which is the Russian equivalent of "I'm not pulling your leg!"), author Jag Bhalla travelled the globe, talking to people from all sorts of countries and cultures to discover the most colorful, unique and hilarious phrases that the citizens of the world have for describing all sorts of situations. One chapter is dedicated entirely to the language of amor ... and I asked Jag to pick out the cherries for us, so we could get a taste of how daters and lovers speak in different places.

So ... did you know that ...

IN MEXICO: When someone says "You're a monkey face!" what he means is "You're cute!"

IN JAPAN: When someone says "You have fast hands!" what she means is "You womanizer!"

IN PLACES WHERE HINDI IS SPOKEN: When someone says "You have thighs like banana tree trunks!" what he means is "You're hot!"

IN GERMANY: When someone says, "Ah, he's just a hole filler," what she means is "He's my rebound relationship."

IN FRANCE: When someone tells you "I've been striking the 400 blows," what he means is "I've been sowing my wild oats."*

IN PLACES WHERE RUSSIAN IS SPOKEN: When someone says "The tomatoes have faded," it means "The love is gone."

IN GERMANY: When someone says "I have eaten a monkey!" it means "I'm nuts about my new babe!"

And now, I will end with two phrases from ITALY:

"We reheated cabbage" means "We attempted to revive our old love affair."**

"We went at it like hedgehogs" means "We were very frisky."

SO, lovely readers, what do you think? Next time your friend is telling you about the random dude she suddenly started dating, only days after splitting with her ex-fiancee, will you say, "He sounds like a hole-filler to me." Or, if you're giving your roommate the dirt on the new person you just started seeing, will you say: "Yeah, it was awesome; we totally made out like a couple of hedgehogs!"
???
xxx
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*I especially love this one, because now I finally understand the title of a French New Wave movie I like ... which is called, of course, THE 400 BLOWS.
**Is this ever a good idea?

ALSO ... DEAR LORELEI: Thanks for weighing in! And thanks for the encouragement, too.

What Do You Think?