Today--in the interest of giving you some (pseudo)news-you-might-be-able-to-use--I am going to tell you what male friends told me about what it means when THEY end a date without a good smooch (as well as what they thought about the ending to my recent date). So here we go:
"THE MORE I LIKE A PERSON, THE LONGER I WAIT TO GET ALL SEXY-TIME"
I'm pretty slow on the kissing thing. For me, it's usually around the third date when I finally decide whether it makes sense to cross that line. The more I like the person, the longer I usually wait.
--KERMIE OTTAWA, a 30-year-old banker in NYC
"THE WAY YOU END A DATE DEPENDS ON THE DATE, MORE THAN HOW HOT FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE"
I just had the best date i've had in ages and I didn't even think about trying to kiss her afterwards except on the cheek. Some of my best first dates have ended with kisses on the cheek, some with passionate kissing, and some in bed. What they all had in common was that the situation and the mood dictated the way things went.
--ELEVATOR MAN, a 40-year-old television news writer/producer in NYC
Well, all right then!
But a third friend had a different take:
"IF I LIKE A GIRL ... I GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT"
"As a rule, after a good date--one that I'd like to the springboard to a second date--I end with a clear indication of desire to see the person again. And I can't think of the last time I've had a first date that was followed by a second date where there wasn't some form of making out/kissing in the first."
--BEAR CUMMINGS, a 38-year-old lawyer in NYC
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Here's what the guys had to say about my particular situation:
"No way does it mean it's dead in the water. For a guy on an Internet first date, especially--unless there's been a lot of sexy banter going on and/or a lot of drinking --it's understandable that he might not have been quite ready to lean in for a big kiss."
"Despite the fact that you like him, this guy probably doesn't have the greatest self esteem due to being unemployed. So his lack of boldness is probably better chalked up to that rather than anything else. ... Of course, if you never hear from him again, then that would definitely be a bad sign."*
--SHERIFF LEONARD, a 33-year-old lawyer in NYC
"Doesn't sound like Sir Hugo is in the place to be rolling up against shorties with mad braggadocio, so to speak. ... But it sounds like he might need some encouragement so I wouldn't get hung up on some silly sexist idea that you shouldn't reach put to him because the guy is always the one who should do the follow-up. If he likes you, but due to his current circumstances is slightly suffering in the confidence department, I'm sure he'd really appreciate a quick but friendly note from you."
All of which more or less jives with what the lovely commenters had to say yesterday, as you might notice.
And you know what? I'm with Bear. And Miss Moneypenny. What the hell do I really have to lose? Either I send no note and never hear from him again ... or I SEND a note and never hear from him ... or I send a note and I DO hear from him.
also, ps: dear commenters: i really love hearing from all of you, and hearing that you relate--and getting your advice to just STOP OVER-ANALYZING! i truly, truly thank you. you make my day! (and madge, thanks for the 411 about the black-eyes!)
another PS--and this is something I will probably ask repeatedly in the coming weeks: can you tell me why you like the blog? anything you'd like to see more of (or less of)? I try to mix in my stories with information about the vagaries of dating that I hope is somewhat useful--to be entertaining and helpful, that is--but please do let me know your thoughts.
*Ha, ha, ha.