Office Heat

Naked Truths

A few years ago, I was interviewing people for an art director position at the company where I was working. After nine cookie-cutter interviews, David walked across the editorial floor, blending in as much as a panther in Times Square. Everyone stared. I quickly ushered him inside my office and shut the door. "Thank you for coming in," I said. Looking at the perfectly uncombed Ashton Kutcher hair, the solid shoulders under his Brooks Brothers button-down, I actually meant it this time. God, he had a dimple. I wanted to lick it.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

I asked him a series of questions, such as, "Why are you leaving your current job?" when all I really wanted to know was, "Would you like to have sex with me against this wall here, or would you prefer the desk?" Within 20 minutes, I knew I had found my next, uh, art director.

But wait, what did his portfolio look like? I couldn't remember. I took a deep breath. If I hired him, it would be based on his looks and not his talent. Isn't that sexist? Unethical? Haven't men been doing it for years? Yes. Yes. And yes. Call me Clarence Thomas. I hired him that week.

Most Popular

I wanted to look at him every day. Preferably naked, but sitting confidently slouched at his desk with his sleeves rolled up was great, too. But unfortunately, being hot didn't make David a good art director. He sucked.

He also started sleeping with my assistant. She got to live out my "me Demi Moore, you Michael Douglas" work-sex fantasy, while I had to stay late every night redesigning pages and cursing myself for letting my hormones do the hiring.

I wanted to fire them both. Instead, I quickly accepted when I got another job offer. Now, when I think I want to live out my fantasies, I have sex with my new boyfriend in his office. And I try not to call him David.

Love & Sex
Share
Life After Tinder: 8 New Dating Apps You Should Try Next
Love & Sex
Share
How 13 Boyfriends Reacted When Their Girlfriends Texted Them Pictures of Wedding Dresses
Love & Sex
Share
These Are the Qualities Men *Actually* Look for in Women
Love & Sex
Share
I'm 33 and I've Never Been Kissed
Love & Sex
Share
Avatars Are Poised to Take Over Your Dating Life
Love & Sex
Share
How My Husband and I Went from Staunch Conservatives to Die-Hard Feminists
Love & Sex
Share
What Happened When I Found Out My Boyfriend Only Had 6 Months Left to Live
Love & Sex
Share
I'm on Tinder to Meet Boys, but It's Only Strengthened My Female Friendships
Love & Sex
Share
If You're Still Friends with Your Ex, Chances Are You're a Psychopath
Love & Sex
Share
I Was a Real-Life "Sugar Baby" for Wealthy Men