It's so easy to fall into bad habits like falling for the same person twice, or making out with them in a moment of weakness after you've had a falling out. It's comfortable, familiar, and easy. And sometimes you just want to prove to yourself that you can do it again, or that you still have that power over them.
I think it's a mistake to hook up with your ex in most instances. It's hypocritical for me to take that stance, considering my parents split up and then got back together again. But their situation involved marriage vows and children.
Here are the reasons I don't think making out with an ex, or getting back together with an ex works out:
Can't "Make It Like It Used to Be"
It's usually the beginning of the end when you ask yourself why things don't feel like they used to. You work together to try to make things the way they were, but the magic is gone and things have run their course. I've had relationships in which I went to sleep one night totally into it, only to wake up the next morning wondering why I didn't feel the same way.
Sometimes fights and arguments turn things sour. I had one girlfriend that I started arguing with, and it happened every time we saw one another. Suddenly we were adversaries when, in the beginning, we were giddy buddies who were attracted to each other. Once we crossed that threshold, there was no way to make it that way again. Even with time after a breakup, it's hard to get back together with someone and get that great feeling back.
You Broke Up for a Reason
Every time a couple breaks up, there's a reason even if it's a "mutual" breakup. And, because of this reason, or reasons, you're not compatible. You will both change after the breakup, but there's not much of a chance of you changing in concert to suddenly be compatible.
It's Hard for It to Feel "New"
We all know the fun part of a relationship is that new exciting section in the beginning. The best relationships retain an element of this the whole way through. But it's got to be tough to find this feeling again if you re-unite with someone you've broken up with.
You Might Be "Giving In"
It's common to swear someone off after a breakup. You tell yourself you'll never get back into it with them, you've learned what you don't want in a guy. While there's an element of throwing caution to the wind when you get back together with someone, you might feel like you're giving in a bit, and that's never a good attitude to have when you date someone. It's just hard to get back together with an ex with a clear mind.
Also, at one point you probably relished your chance to meet new people, date new guys. Going back to the ex is a little anti-climactic, and you might feel like you're telling yourself you can't do any better than this guy who it didn't work out with the first time around.
If It Ended Badly, You Might Be Looking Over Your Shoulder
This is the old "what makes you think it will be different this time around" question. And if they screw you over again, you feel twice as stupid.
Trust is the backbone of any relationship. It's dangerous to forgive someone that wronged you in the past. Suppose he was a bad boyfriend for any number of reasons, or he cheated on you. No matter how bright everything seems, it's only natural that you'd be on edge, wondering if you could really trust him.
Trust is one of those frustrating things like sandcastles: it takes forever to build but it can be destroyed very quickly. And in the aftermath, it takes so much energy and time to get it back again, but it may never be the same anyway.
What are your thoughts on getting back together with exes? Do you agree that it usually doesn't work out, and it's best to move on to new adventures, or have you had successful relationships the second time around with someone. Do you agree with my reasoning above?
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