An Honest Guy, a Jerk, or Both?

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One could argue that it's actually better for a guy to be honest about his evil intentions. Take, for example, my friend who gave her number to a guy thinking he was going to give her a guest bartending gig. The next day he texted her:

"I'm really horny. Want to hang out tonight?"

At first glance, it's an insulting text. He's assuming this girl is easy, and he's clearly interested in only physical contact. But, it is actually honest for him to send her this text. It's a "take it or leave it" approach that is much more efficient than taking a girl on a bunch of dates and leading her on, only to leave after he gets sex. My friend didn't text back. No time wasted, no emotion spent.

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Suppose he had done things the "conventional" way, despite no desire for a relationship. To get what he wanted, perhaps he'd ask this girl on dates, and make it look like he was interested in her. They'd date, she'd invest time and energy into the relationship. And then, after he got enough sex, he'd disappear. He'd seem like even more of a jerk doing this, instead of honestly saying: "Let's get together, I want sex."

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This guy is clearly a jerk; even though his needs are supported by biology, they are not accepted by society. I wondered why this guy thought it was OK to send a text like this. Here's what I came up with:

1. He thinks he's great. This is the type of thing a rock star, pro athlete, or Roman emperor would say: Let's get together and go at it. He thinks he is that powerful and amazing.

2. It's worked before. Would he try this tactic if it never worked before? Whether he is that great, or whether he texts this to every girl he meets, he must have gotten some acceptances along the way. Unfortunately, someone with a low self-esteem might accept this type of offer and — in the process — set future women up for this kind of treatment.

3. He misread her signals miserably. Maybe the guy thought she was acting like she'd be into the idea when they met. If he did, he was sadly mistaken.

4. He doesn't care what she thinks. I do a lot of things based on how I'll be perceived. So, I try to ignore bad impulses that might appear hurtful or disrespectful. This policy is noble, but might be limiting. It's good to care about what others think of you, but if you care too much you might hold back and miss opportunities.

What are your thoughts on this text? Do you agree with my reasons that he'd act this way? And do you agree that, even though he's obviously a jerk, he's not as bad of a jerk because he was honest in his intentions? Or should he realize that it's rude to straight-up ask a girl for sex? Have you ever gotten correspondence like this, and would it ever work on you? Can you deal with the rudeness of a text like that if it saves you the time/emotional investment of being led on by a guy who is after sex but hides it?

Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

Follow Marie Claire on Twitter: twitter.com/MarieClaire

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