One of my closest friends recently went on a first date that went exceptionally well. However, as the long evening was coming to a close, the young gentleman she was out with surprised her. After they left the bar where they'd had a nightcap, he said: "Look, I think you're great, so I can get on the subway now ... or I can take you back to your place."
She was completely flabbergasted. Up to that point, there'd been no sign he was just interested in casual sex. But if he was pushing to move so fast, he had to be ... right?
She held out that night, and since then they've been on another equally great date--one that ended, again, with him requesting sex and her holding out.
Now she's wondering: How long should she wait? She is hot for his bod, but is it stupid for her to give in to her desires so quickly?
I'm finding it difficult to advise her. In general, I think people should go with their gut. If it feels right and natural on the very first date, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing.
After all, off the top of my head, I can think of three couples I know who are still together, years later, after having sex on the very first night. (In fact, TWO of those couples met at parties, only to flee the shindigs in order to get it on--which is to say, there wasn't even a proper date involved!)
On the other hand, as one of my guy friends put it: "90% of the males out there lose interest as soon as they get laid."
Now, I don't think that's entirely accurate. And I also kind of think that any person who loses interest in you RIGHT after sex probably wouldn't have made for a long-term dating prospect anyway. Maybe waiting to have sex would have prolonged things a bit ... but not that much.
All the same, the friend of mine who seems to be the most in control of her love life, of all the females I know, says she almost always waits
a couple of months
, at the very least.
In some ways, her stance is very appealing to me. Resolving ahead of time to wait sixty days gives her a sense of control and power. It makes the guy work for her--and as far as I can tell, there's a good deal of truth to the whole idea that "playing hard to get" increases a man's interest. What's more, you have a real sense of who a person is if you've known him over the course of two months; the two of you have bonded; there's a level of trust and intimacy; you have a much better sense of what you're getting into.
And yet ... two months seems like a really long time in our modern world, doesn't it? I mean, I'm not even a guy, but I think I'd get completely fed up with someone who waited two whole months. I might even begin to suspect she was playing games (were I a man). Or (were I myself) I might wonder if the dude had erectile dysfunction or a microphallus or something.
Folks--girls AND the boys, please--what do you have to say on this matter?
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