What Men Really Think About Your Cocktail Order

Most Popular

Back in the days when I was a boozehound, I had a signature drink. My friends liked to call it the Diet Turkey. It consisted, naturally, of 50 percent Diet Coke and 50 percent Wild Turkey. See, I liked cola and whiskey, and I thought asking for Wild Turkey was sorta cool, sorta tough, and quite ridiculous.

But what did men think of me when I ordered that thing? Probably that I was a lunatic, sure. But at least I was an original lunatic.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

These days, when I go out for a drink, I order a glass of red wine — Pinot Noir or Zinfandel or Tempranillo or whatever the bartender says is big and flavorful, fruity without being sweet, not too spicy, with a long finish. What does that say about me? I like to think it says I know what I like, but I'm not a snob. Although what it probably says to a guy is, "She's a pain in the ass."

When I heard there was a new cocktail book out called How to Booze: Exquisite Cocktails and Unsound Advice, I asked one of the co-authors if he thought that men made certain assumptions about their dates based on what they ordered.

Most Popular

Jordan Kaye confirms my suspicions. "Yep, different drinks send different messages," he says before singling out a few drinks in particular.

THE VODKA GIMLET

The drink that says, "No way in hell am I coming up to your place later"

Jordan explains: "This drink is all about caution. It's the very drink we recommend ordering on first dates, in fact, because it communicates a kind of restraint and seriousness that will serve you well when you're interested in taking things slowly."

THE REPOSADO MARGARITA

The drink that says, "I want to hear about how much money you make"

"By asking for the distinctive, delicious, top-shelf reposado-style tequila, you'll set yourself apart," Jordan notes. "A high-end margarita like this demonstrates that you know how to have a good time — and no one is going to teach you any lessons about how to do that — but you aren't going to be fooled into making any compromises, either."

THE BLACK AND TAN

The drink that says, "You can treat me like one of the guys (except much better)"

This is basically a fancy beer drink — it's a half-pint of pale ale topped off with a half-pint of porter or stout. So it shows that you're laid-back enough to drink a brewski, cool enough to order a drink with serious pub cred, and demanding enough to ask for something special.

THE MOJITO

The drink that says, "Marriage...babies..."

"Herbs and citrus make men think fertility," says Jordan. "It's a drink that suggests you are full of life and ready to make more of it. Procreation obsession is probably not a message that most guys want to hear too directly, though." So, when you send the message subliminally, by way of your drink order, they can handle it.

THE CHAMPAGNE COCKTAIL

The drink that says, "I'm up for anything! Sweep me off my feet!"

Jordan says: "If you happen to be on a date with a genuinely good guy, ask for a classic champagne cocktail. This will tell your date that you are bubbling with enthusiasm for what's coming next — whatever that may be." Jordan notes that ordering your bubbly cocktail-style is more interesting and festive than asking for it straight up. I'd add that the extra flair suggests a bit of Gatsby-era glamour.

Well, ladies (and gents)...what do you make of all this? What do you think your drink orders communicate?

I'll sign off by saying if you order a beer and a shot, you're sending the message that you want to have sex SOOON. If you order an Amaretto Sour, you're sending the message that you're still in high school and this is your first time at a bar (not that I don't love that drink). And if you order a Rye and Ginger, you're sending the message that you're my grandma.

Love & Sex
Share
3 Divorce Attorneys on How Power Couples Handle Cheating
​​In light of Lemonade. ​
Woman in bed, black and white.
Love & Sex
Share
My Weird, Fun, Life-Changing Quest to Have Sex with 100 Different People
For my milestone birthday, I set some *goals.*​
Love & Sex
Share
Adventures of a Sex Phone Operator: The Surprising Highs, the Grossest Lows, and the Lesson I Took Away from It All
​I knew the experience might change me—but I didn't realize how much.​
Love & Sex
Share
5 Affirmations for the Modern Dating-App-Using Girl
Repeat until you don't feel like a broken-down, garbage person anymore. ​
Love & Sex
Share
I Tried "Sex Dust" and Here's What Happened
A scientific experiment of the libido kind.​
Love & Sex
Share
​10 Ways Weed Makes Me a Better Girlfriend
On always taking the high road.​
black and white bride
Love & Sex
Share
The Emotional Weight of Being a Wife
​​Why is the maintenance of our relationship my responsibility?​
Multi-colored condoms
Love & Sex
Share
Why It Sucks to Date as a Happily Childfree Woman
​​My male partners assumed that deep down, I *really* wanted kids. ​
Love & Sex
Share
I Made My Stomach Pooch Its Own Tinder Account
And still got all the swipes. ​
Love & Sex
Share
How My Boyfriend and I Finally Learned to Fight
A guide from comedian Nikki Glaser.​