Does love require beating odds, versus being convenient? You can:
Fall in love by shooting the moon. You win over your unreachable target despite the odds against you.
Fall in love out of convenience: You settle out of necessity: it's more about partnership than passion.
I'm searching for a love story.
Often, my friends say: "Just go for her. She's so in to you," about a girl I'm not into. It's like saying: "Well Girl A that I really want doesn't like me, but Girl B who I'm not into at all likes me, so I'll just give up and go for her."
I want to fall in love by conquering barriers, so I often look for situations with barriers.
Here are a few examples of romantic "barriers":
Against All Odds
I'm guilty of looking for the ultimate beauty, perfect girl. Because she's so perfect, it will be an uphill climb for me to win her over, but if I do, won't life be perfect?
Love at First Sight
When I'm out I sometimes spot that glowing girl, standing out in the crowd. I get tunnel vision, and I never forget her. I build her up in my head, wonder what it would be like to date her.
But there are so many steps between "glowing phase" and dating...and it never happens. I usually leave the bar, eat chicken tenders, and pass out...and never see the girl again. Or, I talk to her and we don't connect.
This is the classic bumping into each other on the street. I never get serendipitous moments, but once I sat next to an attractive girl on the train. It's tough to know if a woman wants to deal with a random guy when she's traveling. She noticed me reading US Weekly, anyway, which probably took me out of consideration.
The Vampire Event
The Vampire Event is when you know someone is right for you,
and you wait through jerks they date, distance (sometimes) and other barriers. This patience is mixed with persistence-there's a little chasing, but it's subtle. After waiting, believing they are the one, it finally happens one day.
A couple of my older sister's friends had a vampire event. The guy was in love with the girl from the beginning but she wanted to be friends. He accepted this, remained patient, watched her date jerk after jerk-and he was always there for her. Of course, they eventually ended up together.
Waiting for someone...or being undead and finding a girl who you used to love back in the day who is reincarnated in modern times is romantic.
High School Sweethearts
Any love story between two people that starts in childhood through college is a great story. Often, there are barriers in this-breakups due to life changes, someone goes off to war and realizes he wants to settle down upon returning, etc. Through all the changes, the love endures, and that history the two people have together is unique.
Many people are "ready" once they decide it's time to settle down with a life partner, abandoning the inconvenient "against all odds" love story.
The search for a love story might look like "thrill of the chase," but I call it "thrill of the win, against all odds." I want to be able to tell my children a love story and not a convenience story, such as:
"Well, kids, your mom was feeling her eggs getting stale, and your dad feared that his seed count was getting low. Plus all our friends were married. So, we decided to combine our bank accounts, get married, and have all 2.5 of you."
When I sat in on that Zoosk panel a few months back, the panel doctor cited research that proved arranged marriages actually had a high success rate: two people start low, but the love builds as they work together in the household and get to know each other. In our society, we start at a high point: ideally we get married when we fall in love, or think we're in love. And maybe, by starting high, we have nowhere else to go but down.
So maybe there's something to be said for the "convenience" side of love.
What are your thoughts on the above? Have you ever had a love story, or are most of your relationships about convenience? Do you look for situations with barriers to conquer, or is this unhealthy? Do you think some of us will never find a love story-is it all about luck?
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