Ah, amore. We never get tired of obsessing over innovative new pizza topping combinations, Brangelina, and of course, the tortuous initiation of all tortuous initiations that is known as The First Date. Sure, there are plenty of beauty and sartorial concerns ("Should I get a haircut?" "What to wear?") and worrying about the general setting (here are 31 first-date ideas, if you need divine inspiration), but these worries rank up there with "What should I watch on TV tonight?" when compared to fretting over what the hell you and this mysterious, beautiful stranger are going to talk about. While a constant stream of nervous blather is hardly sexy, nothing's more awkward than the cringe-worthy silence of two painfully shy would-be lovebirds. And yet, some sweet nothings are best left unsaid. We came upon writer John DeVore's hilarious list of "15 Things Not to Say on a First Date," and have to wholeheartedly agree that the following have no place on your first-date convo playlist or mine:
"Have you ever peed lava?"
"So, are you a Republican, or a fruity, spiral-dancing hippie liberal puke?"
"My sister-wives are going to love you."
"I am SUCH a Miranda. Don't you think?"
*Word to the wise kids, bringing up any SATC characters or plotlines on a date with a straight male should probably just be filed in the strictly forbidden under any and all circumstances category.
Anyhoo, it prompted us to look to our own wise dating experts and reexamine some of their sage words of blog posts past. For example, our "Dating Diaries" columnist, Rich Santos, concludes that three topics should be avoided at all costs: They include porn, music, and serial killers. Fair enough. He also offers plenty of ideas for what would be more appropriate, thank God.
Our "Year of Living Flirtatiously" blogger, Maura Kelly, takes an even more-in-depth look at what not to say in this insightful post, including admitting that you're a 40-year-old virgin; that you're taking Viagra; that you played a major role in creating the subprime mortgage crisis; and many more pitfalls that can trip up the oh-so-delicate first-date tango and land you as fodder for a whole nother blog and it is called FAIL, (heard of it?).
Alrighty then, this crucial review session has officially come to a close. Got any other nifty suggestions to share with the class? Where else shouldn't you go on a first date?