Ah, amore. We never get tired of obsessing over innovative new pizza topping combinations, Brangelina, and of course, the tortuous initiation of all tortuous initiations that is known as The First Date. Sure, there are plenty of beauty and sartorial concerns ("Should I get a haircut?" "What to wear?") and worrying about the general setting (here are 31 first-date ideas, if you need divine inspiration), but these worries rank up there with "What should I watch on TV tonight?" when compared to fretting over what the hell you and this mysterious, beautiful stranger are going to talk about. While a constant stream of nervous blather is hardly sexy, nothing's more awkward than the cringe-worthy silence of two painfully shy would-be lovebirds. And yet, some sweet nothings are best left unsaid. We came upon writer John DeVore's hilarious list of "15 Things Not to Say on a First Date," and have to wholeheartedly agree that the following have no place on your first-date convo playlist or mine:
"Have you ever peed lava?"
"So, are you a Republican, or a fruity, spiral-dancing hippie liberal puke?"
"My sister-wives are going to love you."
"I am SUCH a Miranda. Don't you think?"
*Word to the wise kids, bringing up any SATC characters or plotlines on a date with a straight male should probably just be filed in the strictly forbidden under any and all circumstances category.
Anyhoo, it prompted us to look to our own wise dating experts and reexamine some of their sage words of blog posts past. For example, our "Dating Diaries" columnist, Rich Santos, concludes that three topics should be avoided at all costs: They include porn, music, and serial killers. Fair enough. He also offers plenty of ideas for what would be more appropriate, thank God.
Our "Year of Living Flirtatiously" blogger, Maura Kelly, takes an even more-in-depth look at what not to say in this insightful post, including admitting that you're a 40-year-old virgin; that you're taking Viagra; that you played a major role in creating the subprime mortgage crisis; and many more pitfalls that can trip up the oh-so-delicate first-date tango and land you as fodder for a whole nother blog and it is called FAIL, (heard of it?).
Alrighty then, this crucial review session has officially come to a close. Got any other nifty suggestions to share with the class? Where else shouldn't you go on a first date?
Stay In The Know
Marie Claire email subscribers get intel on fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more. Sign up here.
Erin Flaherty is a beauty journalist and consultant who has contributed to numerous publications including the Wall Street Journal and Domino, among many others. She is a board member of the Women's Global Empowerment Fund and especially passionate about worldwide beauty anthropology and women's issues. She lives in Woodstock, NY with her husband and dog.
-
Prince William Likely Feels "Guilty" for Not "Protecting" Princess Kate Amid Royal Drama, Expert Claims
Jennie Bond says William wants to avoid repeating history.
By Iris Goldsztajn Published
-
I Work Out 5 Days a Week—These Are the Brands I Wear on Repeat
Sponsor Content Created With Nordstrom
By Emma Walsh Published
-
Princess Kate Will Be "Ready to Talk" About Her Absence When She Gets Back to Work, Source Claims
The Palace has released very few details about her illness and recovery.
By Iris Goldsztajn Published
-
This Artist Uses Gold and Glitter to Destigmatize Period Blood
Historically, we associate menstruating with shame. No more, says Fahren Feingold.
By Christina Cacouris Published
-
I Eloped at 25, Divorced at 26, and Dated My Way Across Europe All Summer
But the right guy may have been waiting for me back home the whole time.
By Elise Linscott Published
-
I Gave Up College to Get Married—Now I'm 19 and Divorced
Taylor thought marrying her longtime boyfriend would make them closer than ever—but instead, it tore them apart.
By Hannah Orenstein Published
-
Good News for Your Binge-Watching Habit: Apparently It Makes You Closer as a Couple
Awwwww.
By Megan Friedman Published
-
Experts Say These Are the Types of Questions You Should Be Asking on Dates
Gird your loins.
By Lori Keong Published
-
12 Things Only People Dating in Big Cities Know
Welcome to the worst dating scene on earth.
By Lori Keong Published
-
Are Dating Apps Changing Marriage As We Know It?
Experts say apps like Tinder and Hinge make it easier than ever to meet your match—but it's also easier than ever to cheat. What's a married couple to do?
By Megan Friedman Published
-
4 Reasons Why Dating Is So Hard
Somehow I woke up at 9 a.m. this past Saturday to get Arcade Fire tickets for their upcoming Madison Square Garden show. Their album Funeral has always meant a lot to me as a commentary for growing up and loss of innocence. Their song "Wake
By Rich Santos Published