It's going to take awhile to figure out what type of girl I want to be with. Unfortunately, this process includes going for the wrong type of girl multiple times until my stupid brain realizes I should try for the right kind of girl.
I continue to make the same mistake:
- Looking for a relationship where I can feel important, helpful, and/or integral to a woman's happiness
- Looking for women who have a low bar set for their boyfriends
Here are the wrong types of girls I've gone for:
The Damsel in Distress
I recently made the comment to my friend: "Girl in distress is so hot." And he agreed. So, it's not just me. There are a few reasons I've gone for broken, unhappy women.
First of all, there's something romantic about impending tragedy, perhaps due to my run-ins with Shakespeare's works. I suppose misery loves company, and the masochist in me likes the idea of the emotionally taxing relationship built on anxiety and emotional chaos.
Even more intriguing is the idea of "saving" an unhappy girl. Finding a girl who is lost in life, or love, and "showing her the light" would make me feel heroic. There's a natural human desire to fix things. Sadly, it's incredibly egotistical to want to be that guy who makes a woman's life better by coming along at the right time, but it's still a fantasy of mine.
The Girl Who's Been Hurt by Bad Boyfriends
This is along the lines of the Damsel in Distress, but her unhappiness is primarily based on her string of bad boyfriends. This girl has been cheated on, let down, treated badly, and then I enter the picture.
This type is unhealthy because, after so many bad experiences, she's probably lost faith in love and has trouble trusting guys. She should take time alone to heal.
By finding a girl who has had bad guy luck, I'm automatically getting into a situation where the bar's been set nice and low. A string of great ex-boyfriends is way too much to try to live up to for me.
All logic tells me I should not attempt to enter the realm of the Super Bitch. But when's the last time I followed logic? This high-maintenance, no-nonsense, kinda grouchy, mean girl yells when she doesn't get her way or when her man crosses her.
Again, this might be my masochistic side craving the pain, but I often feel like I can show these types of girls how to be happy by adjusting their outlook on life. I would love to teach an angry or uptight woman how to loosen up and laugh.
The Deer in the Headlights
This is perhaps my favorite inappropriate type of girl to go for. Most of the Deer in the Headlights are the young-uns who just graduated college and arrived in NYC all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
From the looks of this list, I'm going after women with all sorts of built-in excuses:
- They are already unhappy or have had bad experiences, so I have a wide margin of error
- They are somehow vulnerable, or weak, so I will look strong when I come into their life
I feel like it's kind of tough to get someone who has everything to fall in love with me, but maybe I just find that too challenging and I'm trying to take the easy way out, like predators in the wild going for the weak and wounded in the pack.
Am I supposed to look for someone who is missing something, so that I can fill that void? Is it all about two people with "complementary deficiencies" falling for each other? Or do two people have to be complete individually to fall in love? Do you go for a certain type who sets you up for failure? Is it just the jerk, or another type?