To be a successful dater, you must lack remorse-like a serial killer.
I realized recently that I'm not mentally equipped to be a good dater. I think you'll agree with me after you read through my reasons:
I'm Too Sentimental
Certain moments mean a lot to me, but may not mean much at all to a particular girl I'm with.
I Always Want It to Mean Something
But what's the point of going out with someone if it's not going to lead to something-aren't we better off improving ourselves or spending our time helping others versus going out randomly just to date?
I Feel Guilty About Everything
I'm not in the business of hurting people, but the more I date, the more there's a chance someone will get hurt.
Often, someone tries to set me up, or a girl shows she's interested, and I am not interested. Instead of giving it a chance, I shut if off because I don't want to risk hurting her feelings.
I Make Snap Judgments
I decide if I like someone within the first ten minutes. I've got all these "types" defined, and if she doesn't fall in to the right "type," I won't go out with her-even on one date. Ten minutes isn't a fair amount of time, so I should work on this.
I Take Things Too Personally
If a girl doesn't like me, there must be something wrong with me. And dating more opens me up to being judged and learning all these things that are wrong with me.
I Over Analyze
Over analyzing makes dating stressful. I try to figure out why she's not calling-going over all the things that she could be doing that are keeping her from calling, wondering if I said something dumb that is causing her not to call, etc...
...and I Can't Read Signals
Even when a girl likes me, I don't get it. So, there are times when a girl has been in to me and I missed the boat because I didn't realize it.
I Have Trouble with Goodbyes (I Can't Let Go)
The worst thing about a "hello" is that there has to be a goodbye. Don't get me wrong, I love saying goodbye to lame houseguests, but (don't take this the wrong way) it's the same theory as "why do I get a pet and love it if it's just going to die some day?"
So, getting close to someone is risky because, most likely, you'll have to say goodbye some day.
I'm Not a Risk Taker
Asking girls on dates, building a serious relationship-everything involves risk. I used to be a risk taker when I was younger, but now I think too much.
I'm Either Too Aloof, or Not Aloof Enough
This riddle of "aloofness" is going to be addressed in another post. I'm supposed to seem aloof and cool, but when I try that I get too distant-my nose is turned up too high. When I'm not aloof, I look clingy.
I Have My Eyes Set On the End Result Instead of The Here And Now
Instead of taking things one step at a time, I ask myself where something is headed. I guess I'm impatient and big picture oriented, instead of detail oriented.
With my eyes set on the horizon, I can't focus on having fun and working on the relationship matters at hand.
I'm Not Always Confident
I don't try things when I'm not confident. And dating requires trying. Also, lack of confidence is palpable and unattractive.
I'm Damaged Goods
I'm damaged because of too many bad experiences and the culmination of all the points above, and my perspective is so much different than it was when I was young and hopeful. Maybe I've lost faith in dating.
I'm afraid it's necessary to be an emotionless drone to be a successful dater. I can't worry about hurting feelings, being hurt, or being vulnerable by caring too much or relishing a moment. I have to have a "Roman soldier" type of armor.
Once I've accomplished "drone status," I won't worry about making a mistake or being told that I'm not attractive enough.
I have nothing against "successful daters," but in order to date three different people in a week, or maybe even a month, seems like you must temper your emotions, keep things in check, and get used to hurting people and being hurt on some level?
Do you agree with my points above? What would you add to it, and what makes you a good or bad dater?
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