The very first post I ever wrote was about "The New Rich," the woman-attracting machine I wanted to turn myself into. He wouldn't analyze, wait around, or let anything get to him. He'd be smooth.
Well, three years after the fact, it's finally come in to play. It hasn't been through re-invention; it's been a few adjustments I made. Since those adjustments, I've had a little success in attracting women.
One of the toughest things about changing is admitting your own faults. Once I did that, though, I was ready to make some changes.
Here's what I've been doing lately:
I always said I'd do it, and now that I'm doing it I've learned so much. I admit I long to be the center of attention. But I finally realized that women like their share of attention too.
When I try to take over a conversation or a moment, it steals from the woman. Once I took a step back and realized this, I figured out how to temper my conversation.
Now that I don't say so many things, a listener doesn't have to sift through all my useless words to get to what matters. And it makes what I do say more impactful.
I'll never be the strong silent type--I wish I could be. But I could be a "more silent" type than I used to be.
Not Being Funny All the Time
I used to go in to social gatherings thinking I had to make people laugh the whole time.
Again, I used to be the guy who had to fill space with sounds and zaniness. But I just ended up looking like court jester. Now, in my new toned down version of myself, I've become a more interesting/sophisticated conversationalist with a dash of cleverness.
And my sense of humor is not on display 100% of the time anymore.
Spout Random Facts
I'm a factory of random facts, and lately I've been spouting them out at parties and on dates. It's definitely intriguing to women to hear that a bull shark can survive in fresh water or Eric Clapton plays lead guitar on The Beatles' While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I've shelved the porn and serial killers for later discussion (OK, I admit that one was a no-brainer).
The beautiful thing about spouting random facts is that we don't have to spend too much time dwelling on any one topic, which is great for the super short attention span.
Treat The Girls Like Girls, Not Guys
I thought I should save my soft/mature side for that one special girl. But it's a good habit to be this way with most women...at least to some extent. I often get in the habit of treating all women like guys, and it gets me nowhere.
Lately, I've added a layer of maturity to my game and it seems to be working out pretty well. I've actually had long conversations with women without blurting out something about farts.
Stopped Making Fun Of Myself
Self deprecation is a delicate art. Until recently, I've been abusing it. I love making fun of myself, pushing the bar lower and lower. But time is much better spent asking a girl about her life, or chatting about more interesting things than how lame I am (they'll figure that out later).
Stopped Looking So Intensely
The other night I was holiday party hopping with some single buddies, and we stopped off to see a few friends. One of my buddies quipped: "This sucks there are no good looking girls." I turned to him and said: "we don't always have to be looking for girls. Can't we just go out and hang out with people?"
I suddenly felt much less like the animalistic woman hunting beast that I usually feel like.
My adjustments have helped me accomplish two things:
1. Now that I shut my trap a bit, I'm absorbing my surroundings better and tailoring my game to that environment. It's amazing how much you realize is going around you when you actually shut up and listen.
2. I don't look like I'm trying so hard. Finally I'm more like that guy who is laying back and letting it come to him, instead of the guy who has to fill every bit of silence with words as if he has to over compensate.
So there you have it-six things I've done to tweak my game. It seems to really be working.
Which of these do you think is the best move I've made? What minor tweaks did you do in your dating behavior that seemed to really turn things around?
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