Nuptials 911 Cheat Sheet

Your no-fail cheat sheet for how to handle the biggest wedding disasters.

The groom's a no-show

Wrong move: Loudly run down a list of why you never liked him in the first place and offer to set up the bride with your very available older brother.

Right move: Help usher out the guests as quickly as possible; be on standby with tissues, vodka.

No one is mentioning that the bride is eight months pregnant

Wrong move: Crack a fat joke, pat her belly, and wink at the groom before marveling at her chutzpah for donning a white wedding dress.

Right move: Thanks to Knocked Up, Juno, and those ceaselessly spawning celebs, big-bellied is the new black anyhow. Congratulate! (After you confirm with another guest that the groom is, in fact, the proud baby daddy.)

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The bride's intoxicated ex attempts to make a toast

Wrong move: Start a screaming match with him in front of everyone about how he's ruining things for her. Just. Like. Always.

Right move: Loop an arm over his shoulder and join in, "Well, Joe, we all have some hi-larious stories. Remember that time . . ." while wrestling the mike from his drunken death grip.

What do you think?