You've been "dating" this guy for over a year. You've broken up twice. You suspect he's cheated but never found any concrete evidence. You feel awful often, even when he texts you at 2:31 a.m. that he misses you (WTF?). So why on earth are you still hanging on? Oh right, he's the exception to the rule. He WILL come around one day and become that perfect boyfriend/husband/father.
I hate to be the Bad News Bear, but your guy will always have you jumping emotional hurdles. You'll sooner have a heart attack from stress than get this guy to commit and become the Prince Charming you've always imagined. But you've built him up in your head because sometimes, he comes through.
So, you've devised a plan with the help of your friends so you can make him realize how awesome you are (ahem, you're more awesome without him). You ignore him for a week and he begs like a dog. You only answer every other text and he starts sending you a million more. It's working (read: not really)!
After a month of being an emotional wreck you've tallied the score: you received 5 more calls than normal and a handful of texts. That was a lot of work for such meager results. So if any of the below moments remind you of your man, we ask that you kindly dump him at the nearest curb and get on being your bad-ass self.
1. He still talks about high school like it was the glory years. Really? Nothing interesting has happened since he starred on the high school lacrosse team?
2. He's rude to your mom (or talks sh*t about your family). Not okay.
3. He engages in intense Twitter fights. He realizes Twitter is a public platform, right?
4. He doesn't have any interest in meeting your friends. Or when he does meet them, he hits on them.
5. He fathered a child while you were on "a break." We're not ones to name names but we're looking at you with raised eyebrows, Dwayne Wade and Ludacris.
6. He doesn't care that his friends are jerks to you. If he were truly interested in a longterm relationship with you, he should be interested in the relationship you have with his closest buds.
7. When you call, he doesn't pick up and responds via text. Seriously? He needs to draw out a 60-second phone call over an hour long texting session? And where is he that he can't answer your call?
8. He refuses to get a job and move out of his parents' basement. Living at home out of necessity is one thing; desiring to live at home is quite another. Haven't you ever seen Failure to Launch?
9. He got caught at a Brazilian brothel, or any brothel for that matter. We're not over it, J.Biebs.
10. He doesn't tell you he loves you. The response, "You know I love you, so why do I need to say it?" is just not acceptable. Tell him to grow up.