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January 11, 2008

How to Date Like a Man

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This is so incredibly important. Give him your name. Give him a fake cell number. In this age of the Internet, anyone can find you if they want to, but, that being said, it doesn’t mean you should hand out your cell phone number to every last guy you happen to sleep with. Tell him what you do for a living, but don’t tell him where you work. Give him your e-mail address, but don’t tell him what you do. Do not divulge all of your personal details. Why?

And you will not want him to. And you will be all, “Oh. Hi. Yeah. Um....” And he will be all, “Yeah. You. And me. And....” And you will feel like a man for the first time in your life, and you will say, “It was really nice meeting you the other night, but I have to floss my cat three times a day and I’m in charge of the electricity for the Chrysler building and why don’t we just ... hook up later in the year. When I’m willing to?” And he will be all sad and lonely and want to see you again, and you will think, Wait, who IS this guy? And then you will be sorry that you handed out your personal information to a potential stalker.

So you’ve had sex. Good for you! Guess what? You never have to talk to each other ever again if you don’t want to. Know why? It's not required to talk after sex. If you had a good time but you don’t want to date him, don’t call him. If you had a good time and you do want to date him ... don’t call him. Know why? Because you just had a one-night stand. And one-night stands, barring unforeseen circumstances, will never wind up in a relationship.

Not to go all Samantha on you or anything, but seriously, one-night stands are awesome. No muss no fuss, no strings, possibly good sex, no worry about the following morning or possible dating situations. One-night stands ... they have their merit. Do we all want a sexual partner with whom we can tell our deepest secrets and joys? Sure. Do we all want the occasional bang-up against a chain-link fence behind a bar with no consequences? Hell. Yeah. Never shall the two meet. Unless we’re really lucky.

Want more from Erin Dailey? Check out ErinDailey.com.

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