How to Date Like a Man
By Erin Dailey
Photo Credit: Goldmund/iStock
OWN THE ROOM
Whens the last time you saw a guy walk into a bar or party looking useless and confused? Okay, so it was yesterday. Were you interested in him? No? Shocker. Thats because most guys walk into a place with a purpose. Unless theyre looking for a space to park their binder filled with original Star Trek drawings, theyre looking for friends or women. And you should look the same. When you walk into a place, act like you know where the hell youre going, even if you dont. Everyone will wonder who you are and why youre there, but theyll never think youre useless and confused.
EYE YOUR PREY
Got your eye on someone? Good. Dont shy away. Look him straight in the eye and think, You should be attached to my lips by now; why arent you? Trust me, hell read your thoughts like theyre projected above your head on a wide-screen.
Look, no one cares about what anyone else has to say. They just dont. But what you have to do is pretend that you do. Ask about their life, their job, their parents, anything to keep them talking. Because the more fake interest you show in them, the easier it is to disarm them. Guys are used to talking about themselves, as are we all, but if you actually fake an interest, they kind of dont know what to do. Like puppies trapped in a cage in the window of a pet shop, they are addicted to the interest you show in them. Tap the glass. Watch them lick your fingers.
Youre at the bar, youre talking to him, its been hours, and still nothing has happened. Do us all a favor: Kiss the idiot. For one thing, hes not going to not appreciate it. For another, if you dont do it, someone else will.
There are two ways to take control of a situation like this, whether youre at a bar or a wedding or an inauguration.
Way #1: Lean forward and say, You have the cutest lips!
Way #2: Lean forward and say, Are you going to kiss me now or WHAT?
Way #2, obviously, puts the ball in his court and makes him feel in control, even though, really, youve just instructed him to kiss you, which is pretty much what you wanted him to do in the first place.
You can always take control by just telling him to do what he probably wanted to do anyway; whether its kissing you or getting you a cab home. Tell him what to do. Hell like it.
SEX IS ALWAYS ON THE MENU
Do you want sex? No, really, do you? Because men do. And thats pretty much all they want from you until they get to know you and your sense of humor and how you put on your shoes in that cute way that no one else does. And until you realize that sex is not an invitation to boyfriendville, youre screwed.
He just wants to have sex with you. And you? You want to have sex with him. So do it already. Enjoy it. Tell him what you want. Make him your momentary love slave. And after its over?
Make him sleep in the wet spot.