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January 19, 2010

Would Your Guy Cheat? Would You Know?

what makes people cheat

Photo Credit: ShaneKato/iStock Images

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Redbook: You wouldn't blame this on any animosity toward your wife?

James: At that time, no. I still loved her, even though she was a nag and a ruthless, militant homemaker. [Laughs] I just wanted to get laid.

Redbook: So have you always been unfaithful in your relationships?

James: Yes. There hasn't been one woman in my life whom I've remained faithful to — until now. I am totally weakened by the female sex and feel a sort of conquest impulse swell up in my chest when I am around someone whom I desire — even if I'm involved with someone else.

Redbook: Then why are you faithful now?

James: Essentially, I may be truly in love for the first time and would not want her to ever cheat on me. Does that sound hypocritical?

Sal: We're all hypocrites! [Laughs] The only relationships that I was faithful in were the ones with outrageously fantastic sex. [Hoots from the group]

Nathan: I had never been unfaithful in any of my relationships until my wife cheated on me.

Mark: Staying faithful always revolved around having enough sex.

Rx: More Sex, More Often

Sal: For me it all comes down to wanting to get laid more.

Mark: For me it's variety. If I'm always ordering filet mignon, once in a while I want a nice cheeseburger with bacon. It's not necessarily about quality. It's a change of pace.

James: Quality has to be there.

Mark: Even if you're getting laid at home, if someone else is saying yes elsewhere, that becomes very appealing, because now someone out there is saying, "I find you attractive, I find you stimulating." My wife stopped saying that.

James: My wife stopped saying, "I want to see you naked."

Sal: I don't think cheating has anything to do with how your relationship's going. It's just a matter of who shows up at the wrong time.

Redbook: For instance?

Sal: Nice breasts, thin shirt. [Laughs around table] You know, a hot girl is available, and she just exudes sex. It's irresistible.

James: I agree. Cheating has more to do with our genetic makeup than with a specific situation at home. For me, I wanted something different. I wanted to conquer something new. And suddenly there she was, looking at me across the bar. To me, sex is 80 percent cerebral. I think the charge comes from conquest and chasing, establishing "This woman wants me."

Mark: Sex is 80 percent in your head.

James: What I'm trying to say is that it's more than the actual physical act of sex; it's processing all the information: the fact that I'm seducing or being seduced by someone, that someone finds me attractive, wants me to touch them. That's what fuels desire.

Mark: Yeah, I enjoy the hunt. Finding a woman who wants me. Taking her back to her place. Her letting me into her house and me sleeping beside her in her house. It gives me such a rush.

Sal: Rule number one: Never sleep over. Are you crazy?

Mark: Well, I only stay if I get drunk and can't drive home.

Sal: You're a mess. [Laughs]

Nathan: For me it was totally physical. I chose a girl I always wanted to sleep with because she was so hot and so off-limits. I never thought I'd get to play the revenge card on my wife. It all worked out pretty well.

James: Wait! What I'm saying is that it's not just the act of ejaculation. I'd rather have foreplay for five hours with someone totally excited to be with me than five minutes of rabbit f---ing. Otherwise, if it were just physical, I'd have stayed home and f---ed my wife.

Mark: I've been in affairs where I'd be home with my wife and I could get it, but instead I'd go out to find the girl who I'm seeing on the side. It was more exciting to do what I wasn't supposed to do.

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