Would Your Guy Cheat? Would You Know?
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A Question of Ego
Redbook: Do you worry that your wives don't think you're sexy anymore? Is that why you cheat — to validate that you've still "got it"?
James: I think I'm decent-looking, but I also possess other qualities that women find alluring. [Winks] I actually listen, take an interest in their lives. And I don't hide the fact that I am utterly fascinated by their species. But it is definitely all about validation. My wife always sang my praises — my looks, sexual prowess, intellect — but I already had her. I needed others to feel the same or stronger, have others commit their virtue and values to me.
Sal: I'm good-looking, she knows it, and I still got it — even with a gut! [Everyone raises a beer mug]
Mark: Before we separated I was verbally berated and belittled to levels that are off the charts. I would go with her to our marriage counselor and spend the hour listening to everything I've ever done wrong. Between the counseling and our "talks" at home, I learned every imperfection, flaw, wrong and horrible thing I've ever done. After all of that, the best therapy has been going out and meeting women who find me attractive. To have other women find me interesting, attractive, smart and funny is like being born again.
Nathan: I think I'm pretty good-looking, and I was happy that someone wanted to have sex with me; it reminded me that I'm attractive to other women. I think my wife thinks I'm at worst okay and at best pretty hot. As long as she doesn't cheat on me again, I'm happy with that.
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