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January 19, 2010

Would Your Guy Cheat? Would You Know?

woman with her shirt half off touching man's chest

Photo Credit: Goldmund/istock Images

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Their Take on Monogamy

Redbook: How do you feel about monogamy?
Mark: I think it's overrated.

Sal: No, fidelity is overrated. I think it's an idealistic way to be, a way I wish I could be. But I'm not.

Nathan: I believe theoretically it's a nice thing to give to someone, but I don't think we are monogamists by nature. But it would be a really nice gift to give someone. I tried to give that to my wife. She f—-ed it all up.

Redbook: But is it something that's a goal, that's an ideal?

James: I would like nothing better than just to be monogamous with someone. I think I've found that person, but it's very difficult to be monogamous. Can I have a group hug? [Laughs]

Mark: By nature I don't think we are meant to be monogamous. I think the people we find and get into relationships with possess things we seek in a long-term relationship, like personality and warmth, but often what fades quickly in a long-term relationship is the physical part. So we go looking for something else to amuse us sexually.

James: I think monogamy exists. I want to believe it does. Whether it's part of human nature to not be monogamous, I don't know. I don't think I'm qualified to make that call. I think Nathan said it beautifully: It's a great thing to give somebody. That's poetic and true. And I'm convinced that I will be able to give that to someone. Someday.

The 5 Warning Signs He's Cheating...

As the president of Blackhawk Investigative Services in Charlotte, NC, former police officer David Sigmon, 32, has been retained by hundreds of suspicious wives to get the goods on their no-good, two-timing hubbies. "Most of the wives have been right," he says, "and I catch the husbands red-handed." So how do you know if that new bowling league he joined is really in some tarty motel room on the interstate? Here are the five red alerts Sigmon says to look for:

  • He's suddenly fixated on his looks. Watch out if he exhibits a newfound concern for style and fashion, gets a mod new haircut or dyes his beard and starts heading to the gym for major crunches every morning before work. While it could be a midlife crisis, Sigmon says it's more likely he's trying to attract or impress a babe.
  • Your sex life goes from zero to 60 (or the reverse). The key here is some radical change. If your sex life gets a burst of energy — he's trying new things, being more spontaneous, experimenting with some kinky dominance — he could be using you for batting practice to prepare for her, while also keeping you "happy" to assuage his growing guilt. The other extreme is complete withdrawal: The torment about his affair makes him come to bed ashamed, causing him to shut down on intimacy.
  • The "three C's" rear their ugly heads. And they are Confrontation, Criticism and Complaints. Seemingly overnight he's carping about everything from no milk in the fridge to your hairdo. He's picking fights with you to justify the affair.
  • He "works" all the time. It's a cliché but true: Husbands use the office to mask indiscretion. His work schedule is most likely to change gradually as his other life unfolds. He's working late and out of town more, without much notice; he's coming home after you've gone to bed. Also, his "business" memory becomes foggy ("I don't remember who I had dinner with that night").
  • He suddenly loves doing laundry. Is he dropping his garments directly into the washing machine before coming to bed? Or have you noticed that pieces are missing, like that favorite tie he packed for the last business trip? Be wary of that old gag, "Oh, I spilled red wine on it, so I just tossed it." Chances are it's at her place.

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