The other night, I was out with my friends Daisy Milliner and Ruby Finch, having a very mellow dinner at the brasserie Tabac in Brooklyn; and after spotting a guy sitting at the common table in the bar area who was absurdly cute, I actually I whispered, "Check him out!"
I swear, I am not usually guilty of such Sex+The City behavior. (Not that there's anything wrong with S+TC; I love it just as much as the next chick. It's just that actually behaving like Samantha in real life seems odd, doesn't it?) But, hell, I'd had half a glass of wine--which is nearly enough to make me tipsy (yes, I have the alcohol tolerance of a mosquito)--and I was feeling boisterous. Plus, Hot Stuff was halfway across the room in a bustling restaurant; he'd never notice me objectifying him.
Besides, he really did seem especially cute: tall, with curly black hair and a face that was elfin in a good Elijah-Wood-kind of way (big eyes, a pronounced square jaw, very round cheeks). What's more, I liked his style: He was dressed in dark jeans and one of those snap-button plaid cowboy shirts. And, as he stood up to go, after shaking hands with the two male friends he was taking leave of, he grabbed a black motorcycle helmet that he'd been resting on the free stool next to him; I'm a sucker for a rugged-New-York-City-hipster-guy-on-a-bike. Then he walked past us to the door ... and I got a startlingly glimpse at his stomach.
Apparently, Tabac serves bowling balls, because it seems he'd eaten one for dinner and was attempting to digest it.
Which is to say, he had an enormous potbelly.
After that, I wanted to go into the bathroom and wash my brain out with soap for even having the hots for the dude--that's how egregious the tummy was.
And I can't say I've ever been turned on by a man with a rotund stomach.
In August, The New York Times tried to argue that potbellies on men were actually COOL! Trendy! ... I was outraged. First of all, can you imagine an article ever being written about how cool it is that WOMEN are exhibiting excess poundage around their middles? (Right--I don't notice any pigs flying overhead either.) Second of all: Potbellies are sexy? According to whose standards?
Then I noticed that (a) the writer was himself a male--and I wouldn't be surprised if he goes around looking like he's got a bun in the oven himself. Also, that (b) the main evidence of this whooping "trend" was that he'd seen a bunch of dudes walking around the city with rounded middles. If that's all it takes for something to become trend--noticing that people happen to be doing it--may I propose the following new trends:
-taking the subway!
(Yes, the kids these days certainly are wacky. What WILL they think of next?)
Is this unfair of me--to be so judgmental about a person's physique? Am I being superficial?
Or is it perfectly reasonable for me (as someone who keeps in obsessive shape) to be turned off by a protruding tummy?
Also ... ladies ... how do you feel about the potbelly issue?
dear Blue: I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your office romance! And I'm glad it sound like you've made it through all right.
and Claude: hang in there, lady, with that crush! get yourself doing some online dating or something, to take your mind off it!