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5 Unexpectedly Sexy Bits of Clothing (for Chicks)

5 Unexpectedly Sexy Bits of Clothing (for Chicks)

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Lovelies:

 

Following up on yesterday's post, I'm just going to get right into this question of which items of clothing make men start foaming at the mouth (or chasing you around the dinner table).

 

As I was saying yesterday, perhaps the most surprising item is:

1) A SIMPLE APRON.

 

Why?

 

The guys I asked weren't much help in explaining WHAT it is about aprons, exactly, that makes them so hot. But I'll wager a guess: An apron frames the body in an unusal way, inviting the eye to first one breast, then the other--by vertically bisecting them both--and then drawing the gaze to the thigh, falling at the mid-way point between the waist and the knees as it does. At the same time, a well-tied apron also accentuates the hips--and leaves the derriere wide open, completely unprotected.

 

More simply put, as my friend Jack Nerveman says: An apron is an invitation to think about what a girl would look like if she wasn't wearing anything else!*

 

Which brings us to:

 

2) A GOOD WELL-FITTING TRENCH COAT. Jack's quote would also apply perfectly here. Men seem to associate trench coats with flashers; they see you in, say, a tight-fitting brown leather number that ties at the waist--like a trench coat I have--and they wonder if there's any chance you're wearing nothing underneath. To up the drive-men-crazy quotient of your trench coact, next time you wear one, skip the stockings with your skirt and wear a low-cut shirt ... that will get him wondering about what, exactly, is going on under the outerwear.

 

Or take things one step further and show up at his place one night wearing nothing but heels and your tightly belted Burberry. (I will admit, writing this, I am very tempted to try this out myself ... on a certain someone ... )

 

3) LE FISHNETS. Now, I know it's doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist--or Dr. Ruth--to note that fishents have been sexy since the days when, like, I dunno, ancient Greek housewives decided to recycle the mesh bags their husbands were using to snare salmon and use them as hosiery. At the same time, I sometimes think fishnets are so trite--such a cliched way of being sexy--that they've lost their power to work on the male imagination. But then I'll wear a pair--mainly because they look great with whatever outfit I'm sporting. And whenever I do, inevitably, if there is a drunk man around who goes nuts over them. (As you will recall, this was certainly the case with Barnaby Jepperboom.)

 

Fishnets: They will help you catch men.

 

(Yes, Pantyhose Association of America: I am available for work on an ad campaign if you need me.)

 

Along the same lines: I would also have thought thigh-highs were a bit demode, too obvious, etc. But they also seem to be quite popular among the boys I heard from. I'm always too scared to wear these puppies, though; if I did, wouldn't I spend the whole evening yanking on them to make sure they don't end up around my ankles? (Please let me know, you ladies out there in the trenches.)

 

4) WIFE BEATERS. What's so hot about these? Once again, we'll turn to some Nerveman wisdom: "The female body is a work of art that does not need much adornment and can often best be appreciated when it's covered by nothing more than a wife beater and jeans." Perhaps there is also something of a Marlboro woman aspect to the appeal: A guy sees a woman in jeans and a tank, and he thinks of her riding a horse, perhaps bare-back ... and ... well, you know.

 

On the other hand, maybe there's something about a wife beater that makes a guy think of you in his clothes, which makes him think of how his clothes might end up on you, which would only happen if ... you were, at some point, naked in front of him.

 

5) CLOTHING THAT REMINDS MEN OF THEIR EARLY SCHOOL-GIRL CRUSHES. Which is why so many guys fetishize things like knee socks, super-short 70's-style gym shorts (like the pair pictured below), and little plaid Catholic-school-girl skirts.


shorts

 

 

Really, for the most part, I think this all comes down to clothes that encourage a guy to think of you naked. Because as two readers noted yesterday, even footwear can often do the trick--anything from a pair of pointy heels to boots--and I think that's largely because it gets a guy excited to think of you standing over him, with nothing covered but your feet.

 

As my friend Bear Cummings put it: "If an article of clothing either promises easy access or accentuates the nice parts to look at, there's a good chance it's going to be enticing."

 

 

xxx!

 

 



-------------------------------------

 

 

-Edwinna: you're too nice  to me ... but i think i can take it.

-Amber: i want that red ruffle apron of yours! sure, the magic can happen with a plain old smock-y thing--but i bet it's even easier with something frilly.

-Faith: i have a friend who goes nuts over preppy girls. i think it makes the woman seem perhaps wealthy, elite, aloof ... and again, maybe it's a reminder of high school. nice job with the ex!

-Ellen: Yes, work-out clothes do often have an arousing effect on men ... in your case, maybe the tight t-shirt explains it all? In my case, it's more the Mick-Jagger-style lycra pants.

-Chessenia: you own restaurants? How cool is that? What kind of food? Can I come?

-Paris: you get them with the button-down too, huh? I myself absolutely cannot pull off the preppy look.

*-Rip, my man, nice! You said the same thing, more or less, as Jack--and I love Jack. (But CHAPS? Has a lady ever worn chaps for you? I must say, I mostly think of bears--older gay men who wear a lot of leather--when I think of chaps.)

-DC: All right, all right, you make a decent--and hilarious--point. About the back rub, at least. I think movie after dinner is perfectly fair game, though. But I just should've nodded off on MY side of the couch, and avoided the massage business all together.

-Osu Tee: I'm glad you're here! And glad you get hipstered out to hang at the yuppie bars.

 

xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

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