9 Real Reasons Why You're Not Having Sex Tonight
Hey, a girl's gotta do.
By Bela Yousif
A married couple recently garnered a lot of media attention when the wife leaked an excel doument that her husband had used to keep track of their sex life. Well, their lack of sex life, that is. The husband detailed the number of reasons his wife declined sex over the course of the month; she had a headache, she felt bloated, she was tired, and so on.
While it was incredibly rude, in our humble opinion, it did get us thinking about the reasons we all pass on sex every now and again. Read on for the top 10 brutally honest explanations for a no-go in the bedroom:
1. I just got a blowout. Having sex is going to make me sweat...and even worse, it's going to make you sweat on me. No.
2. I ate my body weight in french fries. I feel so full. I don't actually think there is room for you in here.
3. Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on. I really can't miss this one. They're going to show the top of North's head!
4. It's late and I want to Pinterest. Do NOT want me to have a beautiful life, or what?
5. My roommates are home. Maybe you don't care about your bros hearing your headboard banging against the wall, but I have to go get brunch with these girls tomorrow.
6. I have errands to run. If we have sex, then I'll be too tired to go to the gym, and then I won't pick up my dry cleaning on the way home, and I won't have the blazer I want to wear to work tomorrow, and I won’t be efficient, and I will get fired.
7. I'm having a phantom period. It's not actually the time of the month but it might as well be. My boobs are sore and I am emotionally exhausted; today I cried when I realized my Metrocard was empty.
8. I can feel a UTI coming on. I feel like I am peeing hot acid. Look what you have done to me.
9. I had a weird sex dream about your brother last night. I don't think I have recovered yet and your resemblance to him is causing me a lot of stress.