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Sex and the Single Guy Blog

A smart, funny guy who not only admits to being clueless about women but is willing to share his dating diary? Tap your inner Bridget Jones by offering him your advice with our Sex and the Single Guy Blog.

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8 Types of Guys That Won't Commit

Trying to get men to commit is an age-old riddle in the female mind.

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Why Your Guy Won't Initiate Sex

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8 Texting Mistakes Men Make

How his phone can make a once promising prospect into a dating nightmare.

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Why Are Couples So Unprepared For Marriage?

What changes in the transition from committed relationship to married life?

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How To Avoid Being A Nag

The classic complaints are: men don't listen, and women nag. It's tough to change a partner's habits (such as time budgeting or smoking) because they often take it personally. The paradox is that you're only in their ear about it because you care so much about the quality of their life. If you don't want your lover to think you're a nag, you must practice constructive criticism. The person being criticized must acknowledge they have a problem. I openly admit I suck with my money, and I want help. If your partner isn't ready to own up to their problem, you might reconsider tackling the issue with them. You will seem like a nag every time you try.
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Can Bad Sex Be Improved?

I recently a read a Q&A in which a woman describes struggling with dating a "nice guy." Everything is going well until they have sex — it's bad. I thought it was a shame that a relationship that seemed to be heading in the right direction could be derailed by problems in the bedroom. I'm not going to argue that sex can't destroy a relationship, but I think, sometimes, bad sex can get better.

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Is Monogamy The Best Policy?

I recently came across an article asserting that monogamy is so difficult that many couples may be better off having open marriages, as long as they can agree upon the rules. Am I too mired down in traditional values, or is this idea ludicrous? Is sex outside of marriage not considered an "affair" if your spouse knows about it?
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How To Keep A Guy's Attention

While trolling the internet, the headline "How Do I Keep a Man's Attention" caught my eye. It was based on a question posed from a female reader who lamented having sex too early in relationships. The article, however, did not address the subtle points of keeping a man's attention outside of sex. Non-sexual tactics help in the beginning of a relationship. Or these tactics can simply get you male attention at a social event.
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Can A Love Triangle Be Healthy?

Why don't people refrain from repeating bad actions that have actually caused them harm in the past? Jennifer Aniston lost Brad Pitt to Angelina Jolie, but she’s now seeing actor Justin Theroux — who the tabloids speculate she started dating while he was still with his live-in girlfriend Heidi Bivens.

I'm not one to follow celebrity gossip (I swear), but I was intrigued by Dr. Jane Greer's analysis of the Aniston situation in her Huffington Post article, Jennifer Aniston: Is She The Other Woman or the New Woman? And I do agree with some of Greer's points.

Dr. Greer mentions that couples work to keep a relationship alive in the face of "the never-ending fight." Often, one person in a union gives up when they feel there is no solution. In fact, many relationships continue despite one person's emotional detachment. The fights stop because someone has given up, but the other person in the relationship perceives this as healing. The couple stays together because they fear that final break. Relationships with only one investor can continue but they certainly aren't healthy. A two-engine plane can still fly if one engine fails, but who wants to sit on that plane?

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Is Sexting A Gateway To Cheating?

A recent USA Today article cited sexting/texting as a gateway to cheating. The article argued that the internet has supplied yet another way to meet candidates for extra-marital affairs. Social media makes it easy to connect with new acquaintances, and re-connect with old flames.

A few flirtatious words or salacious pictures do get the blood boiling. The communication may be a seed for a clandestine meeting, as a couple seeks release from all that flirtatious buildup.

But I would argue that internet connections and sexting could be helpful for couples. Yeah, sure, Anthony Wiener is a dirtball, but he (allegedly) didn’t actually have extra-marital sex in reality. In fact, he says he didn’t even touch another woman. 

Some may say that Wiener cheated — after all, he got aroused with another woman — and maybe it was only a matter of time before he graduated to full on cheating after his sexting. But, what if the sexting release was enough to satisfy his need for another woman? Is it possible that the digital age is allowing people who may have cheated 20 years ago to virtually satisfy their wanderlust? I don’t condone Senator Weiner's actions, but I did think to myself: "At least he didn't actually touch another woman." Is "virtual cheating" considered cheating?

I do agree with the article’s stance that cheaters will find a way to cheat with or without technology. Technology is another of many tools for a cheater. I mean, Henry VIII did have six wives without the Internet. If the Internet had been around in his day, maybe he would have gone through sixty-four wives and countless mistresses.

Cheaters will use any method to meet people and execute their desire to stray. But, in my opinion, the Internet and technology do not convert a non-cheater into a cheater.

What are your thoughts on the USA Today article? Do you think sexting always leads to cheating? Does the act itself count as cheating? Or is it an outlet that prevents real-life cheating?

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Would You Take Back A Guy Who Hit You?

Everyone deserves a second chance. However, abuse and cheating are two exceptions to this rule. It's debatable whether a cheater or abuser can change their ways. Would you take back an abusive boyfriend who claimed to be rehabilitated?
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The Pros and Cons of Summer Dating

After a wonderful Memorial Day trip to the beach, I came up with this list of things I love and hate about summer and dating:

The Pros:
Happy Women
When women are happy, it's easier to get a date. Fall and winter seem to sap the female spirit. By April, the ladies are pining for sun and warmth. Summer is prime time for guys to make their moves.

Lots of Light
I'm energized by the extra summer light. That energy helps me get motivated to date. It's easier to meet people because they stay out of their homes, and they stay out later.

Legs
All guys know to grease the swivels on their necks for the first few weeks of summer. During those weeks, women dust off their sundresses and short skirts. After a long cold winter, legs are everywhere.

Outdoor Dates
After months stuck indoors, we can hit the beach, dine al fresco, and take long walks. Whether it's a bike ride or a glass of wine on a rooftop deck, we can go on more creative dates.

Summer stirs up fond memories of the beach and stupid jobs that were more social than serious. 

After a wonderful Memorial Day trip to the beach, I came up with things I love and hate about summer and dating:

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7 Rules For Setting Up An Online Dating Profile

Recently, my friend asked me to help her build an online dating profile.

An online profile is essentially a digital "resume," and like a resume you have to spend some time figuring the best way to highlight your attributes and set the tone of your personality

My friend is one of the few people I know that I can't say anything bad about. In order to convey her brilliance through her profile we decided to adhered to a few rules while constructing our masterpiece. Here they are:

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Advice From Real Wise Sages: Married Women

I admit that my previous post, "Advice From Three Wise Sages: Married Guys" was a bit tongue in cheek. Advice from guys is usually wrong, and advice from married guys is worse. So in an effort to balance the scales, I've collected some advice from married women.

While the guys were telling me about how to navigate the stormy seas of a female's mind, the women chose to tell me about falling in love, which I thought was nice

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6 Things That Changed Dating

I recently attended a European (read: interesting, and forward thinking) conference called Hyper Island for my digital advertising job. Hyper Island explored the relationship between the Internet and advertising, particularly in social media. One of the speakers mentioned that the Internet has sparked the biggest cultural shift since the industrial revolution.

During the discussion, I pondered how much the internet has changed the dating world. And then I moved on to wondering what other entities or inventions changed dating through time. Here's what I came up with:

Secularism
There were a number of movements that minimized the influence of religion, and empowered scientific and societal shifts. For example, Darwin's theory of evolution challenged the notion that women were created from a dude's rib. It turned us into animals essentially; and proposed that we choose mates — a dark haired mate, or a mate with a huge bank account — due to unconscious natural selection.

The Telephone
Even the first words muttered on the telephone were "date-like." Bell said to his assistant: "Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you." OK, so he wasn't asking him on a date, but he would eventually shape how we date: Getting a phone number became part of the modern mating ritual. In the old days it was written on a piece of paper in a bar, and these days it's punched into a cell phone.

The '60s
The "Free Love" movement was originally a rejection of marriage, but also kick-started sexual liberation. It ushered us into modern times: decades of decadence and excess followed in the wake of the conservative '50s.

The Car
One of my favorite Eddie Cochran songs, "She's Somethin' Else," chronicles a dude wanting a particular car that will help him land the lady he fancies. Cars are dating vehicles: a cool one makes a guy more attractive. In high school, cars helped us get to our dates and provided a place to make out.

AIDS
A deadly disease sobered society after the free-wheeling '70s. The best way to prevent this disease was through abstinence. I'll forever blame AIDS for my horrible sex life growing up. I wish I grew up in the '70s. AIDS doused the intoxicating flames of the '60s with a deadly reality.

The Internet
Nowadays, people can meet online, making the world much smaller. I'm sure the Internet has saved many a long distance relationship that would have died before Skype and email, but it has also complicated communication in dating. We have so many choices.

Googling someone can reveal deal breakers before you even go out with a person. And of course, you can stalk someone seamlessly across the internet if you choose that creepy course. We have yet to see all the changes that the Internet has brought to dating, and I think it's the biggest change in dating since secularism.

What do you think has changed dating most drastically?

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Can You Control Falling in Love?

I am the king of psyching myself out. And I have an acute fear of success. These two things result in the sabotage of a lot of would-be relationships. This self sabotaging is actually very common. The more serious a relationship gets, the more energy and investment you put into it, the more you risk — and fear — failure. That fear is a defense mechanism. Despite our quest for love, we're scared of it and often try to control our feelings in an effort to minimize the chances of a broken heart.
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How To Avoid Giving Out Your Phone Number

The other night I was talking with friends about how awkward it is to meet people at bars.The ensuing date is usually awkward too. The women in the conversation were sharing their frustration with the whole "getting the number" process in the bar. They feel they have to give their number out to be friendly (and to get a guy to go away if he's hitting on her). But some guys make it tough for girls to be nice.
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Advice From Wise Old Sages (Married Guys)

The advice I get from married guys scares me. It's like they are all living as a suppressed population in a far off land, explaining rules that are laid upon their broken spirits by some powerful entity. I guess this is why my married friends see me as a bastion of hope — a maverick of sorts. I'm like pre-labotomy Jack Nicholson's character in Cuckoo's Nest.

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5 Excuses Guys Use To Explain Their Behavior

 

Just like any stupid guy, I make the mistake of generalizing women based on a few (and I mean FEW) experiences. A reader reached out to me in the wake of my "Insane Reasons Women Use To Explain Their Insanity" post and posed an interesting question:

"How do you explain your insanity?"

 At first I thought there was no way women could think us guys are ever insane. Aren't we the masters of practicality? I reflected and realized that I do have my cranky moments and random outbursts of anger-- though they are few and far between, I must say.

When I thought about what causes this stress and anger, I was shocked that I too have insane reasons for explaining my behavior. So, I'm going to even up the score.

Here are my insane reasons for male crankiness:

 

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5 Excuses Women Use To Explain Their Behavior

Most men claim that their quest for the perfect girl is essentially a quest for a girl who isn't that crazy.

I used to think that guys were just kidding about women being insane. But now, I’m less inclined to think that way.

Upon reflection, I've realized that true insanity can only be determined by the rationalization offered in its defense. Below are the five most common reasons I've found that women offer to explain their mean or crazy behavior. Sure, admitting you were acting crazy means you're aware of your actions, and thereby not so crazy. But when your reasons for acting that way are irrational, then like it or not, I think you just come off as even more insane.

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