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How Lying Helps Your Relationship

How Lying Helps Your Relationship

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They say "honesty is the best policy," and this rings true in dating. But women accuse me of speaking too truthfully, believe it or not. I'll walk up to a co-worker and ask her:

"Are you wearing a moo moo?"

"is that what you're wearing to the client meeting?"

"Honey, exfoliate those feet, or lose the flip-flops."

I speak plainly because I grew up throwing barbs at two sisters, and because I lack a filter on my impulsive mouth. I'll say what's on my mind at all times without sugar coating.

I'm taking the license of the gay friend with my honest communication. Only other women and gay friends are allowed to tell women that they look horrible in an outfit, need a pedicure, or have been acting like a slut. I should be using the Little White Lie.

Below are five circumstances where the little white lie might come in handy:

To Spare Someone's Feelings

This is the classic situation where a woman drags her boyfriend shopping. She emerges from a dressing room looking terrible, but the boyfriend says: "yeah, that looks great." This lie is told partially because he doesn't want to anger her, and partially because he wants to get the shopping trip over with, so he's encouraging her to buy things quickly. And, regardless of the situation, if a girl comes out of the dressing room and asks: "do I look fat in this dress," obviously the answer should be "no". But, I wonder if this is really appreciated if "no" is not the right answer.

What about getting a lame gift from your significant other? You just wear a fake smile and mention all the ways you can use it. Gift lies are tough because, while you're sitting there saying how you'll use/wear/cherish something, you're committing to an eternal lie. You'll have to wear that awful sweater they gave you, for example, once a year so they think you really do like it.

To End An Argument...or Keep One From Starting


If arguing politics, or even sports, a guy might just roll over and say he agrees to keep things from boiling over. It is not saying in an exasperated tone: "ok, we'll try this your way." It's actually pretending to be you're on board with their argument, and then secretly laughing inside when the truth comes out and you're actually correct.

To Support Someone's Dreams or Efforts

Isn't it so awkward when your loved one shows you their "art" or plays the "song" they wrote for you and it's nothing you'd ever want to expose your senses to again?

"Oh, that's great honey, you're on your way to a record deal," you might say.

One day I made crab dip for an apartment-warming party. Part of the reason for making it, aside from celebrating my friend's new home, was Crab Dipthat I wanted this girl I had a crush on to try it. No harm in showing her I'm a cook.


I was a bit out of my comfort zone buying crab meat at the super market-I grew up in Baltimore, where we get our crab meat for soup and dip from remnant crabs left over after crab feasts. My crab dip in NYC turned out a little fishy for this reason. After trumping up my crab dip all week to the girl, a few awkard seconds followed when she finally tasted my too-fishy dip. She was able to tell me it was great, but she never went back for more. She was nice enough to act out a little white lie. Secretly disliking someone's cooking is one of the toughest little white lies to act out.

To Avoid Family Conflict

If your in-laws suck, and you put on a friendly face every agonizing minute you spend with them, then you are living a little white lie to keep the family peace. Then there's that annoying friend or relative of your significant other's that you have to get along with just to keep your significant other happy.

Do you agree that it's necessary to use a little white lie here and there for the good of your relationship? What little white lies have you told or had told to you? What other circumstances require little white lies? Do little white lies cause a problem when the truth (i.e you look bad in that dress) might have helped? Would you rather hear the little white lie or the ugly truth?

Hey! Follow my Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

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