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Old Lady Perfume & Snorting: Sonic and Olfactory Deal Breakers

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Old Lady Perfume & Snorting: Sonic and Olfactory Deal Breakers


As if looking good wasn't tough enough, there are other senses we're blessed with that help figure out attraction. Unfortunately, these senses help make someone unattractive as well.

I think sound is underrated when it comes to attraction. Everyone loves music, the sounds of nature, and hates traffic rumble and nails on the chalkboard. Sound can certainly play with your nerves.

And smells cause stress as well; a bad smell forces us to move to a less foul-smelling place, and a good smell (such as boardwalk fries for me) can evoke pleasant memories. So, I decided to put together a list of sonic deal breakers:

Animal Sex Noises

Sometimes women hit strange decibels or make sounds like they are an undiscovered animal species. I want to crack up and I can no longer focus on the matter at hand. If it gets bad enough I might start wondering how it's even possible for these noises to happen, and other deep philosophical thoughts.

Snort Laugh

I think we've all done it before: laughing so hard that we impersonate swine. It seems to kind of slip out. As long as you don't do it all the time I guess it's cute. But it's an epidemic if you snort every time you laugh.


I think the traditional witch was the first character to introduce us to the scary cackle. Sometimes everything is going well until someone unveils their awful laugh. Then, suddenly the entire foundation of attraction crumbles beneath the laugh. Horrible laughs range from weird pitches to hyperventilating choppiness.

Man Voice

It's definitely distracting when a girl has a very deep voice like a guy, especially during "intimate moments."

Chipmunk Voice

On the other end of the spectrum, and far more common, is the girl who sounds like she's a member of the Alvin and the Chipmunks. I know many cute girls with voices that are just too high-pitched and squealing; everyone talks about it later on. It's a shame, but true.

Fast Talker

First of all, I can't understand a fast talker most of the time, and I hate — especially on early dates — asking someone to repeat herself more than a few times. And, fast talking, while it is a bit of a skill, actually makes someone sound less intelligent to me for some reason.

A Nagging Whine

While it's very effective in motivating me to do whatever you want (so that I don't have to hear the whine anymore), my tolerance for a nagging whine is low, regardless of how great you are.

"Natural" Body Odor

Common in many hippie-type girls, this is that mixture of body odor, hemp, and all those other types of scents. You can get a whiff of it when the girl walks by. It's such a tangible odor, it seems that there should be a green haze that goes with it. Definitely not my kind of smell, though some guys like it.

Old Lady Perfume

Most women don't make this mistake, but some perfume smells like my grandma used to smell. I'm not familiar with the names of these perfumes, but some of them definitely advertise: This is an old lady here.

Bad Breath

This is a universal deal breaker. You can't get close to, let alone kiss, anyone who doesn't take care of their teeth. Smoking doesn't help either. I've never wanted to kiss a smoker (I guess that falls under taste deal breakers).

Do you agree with the list above? As someone who looks for reasons not to get into something, perhaps I'm too judgmental. Should I be able to overcome these? What are your biggest sonic and olfactory deal breakers for a guy?

Follow Me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

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