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What's the Difference Between Sexy & Unhealthy?

What's the Difference Between Sexy & Unhealthy?

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Dating is so tough because, in putting yourself out there, you're essentially testing the waters to see if anyone thinks you're attractive. After not dating for awhile, it's easy to feel less than. My dry spell has gone on so long, I'm thinking of taking desperate measures just to feel sexy again.

I think I'm going to have to go to a gay bar just so I can be in an environment where the general population finds me attractive. At this point, sadly, it's gotten so deep in my head that I'm unattractive, I don't think I'd get a free drink in a gay bar.

There was a time where I could look in the mirror and angle things just right and say to myself: "Yeah, I'm not a half-bad-looking guy."

Recently, I haven't gotten many of the visual cues that confirm a girl thinks I'm cute:

-Exchanging glances with each other

-Catching her staring at me

-Being told I look like a celebrity (a cute one)

-Getting a number

Maybe I haven't met many girls lately, or I've been standoffish when I'm out. Or, just maybe, I just don't look that great these days. It's easy to fall into that kind of thinking.

The interesting thing about feeling attractive is that other people around you dictate it. Is that the way it should be? Or should feel attractive completely on your own?

I think it's a combination of both. You have to feel attractive and comfortable with yourself before other people can find you attractive. But if you go through a dry spell, it starts playing with your head and you lose faith in your yourself.

And when this happens, you sometimes fall into doing unhealthy things to make yourself feel attractive.  Here are some examples:

Casual Sex

What better way to make yourself feel attractive than to prove to yourself that you're sexually attractive? But you're vulnerable when you're looking for sex just to feel attractive. Your standards may be lower, because you're looking for validation.

And someone may end up hurting you, or using you right back. And, of course, the horrible empty feeling in the morning is enough to make you feel even less attractive than you did before you did the deed.

Falling Back on the Ex

So it's been a while since you had a date, or even someone to hold you. Why not go back to that ex you could always fall back on? Beware: This will only be a quick fix. Getting back together with someone for the wrong reasons often blows up in your face. Falling back is just a way to avoid the challenge of getting out of the "I feel unattractive" rut that you're in.

Surgery

Sometimes, you're so low that you feel that big changes are in order. You opt for cosmetic surgery: perfect your nose, or do a little Botox. Plenty of people have plastic surgery, but I'm inclined to argue against it because I believe natural beauty is best. Everyone has the right to get it but, like anything else, it's unhealthy if it's abused.

Excessive Shopping

The ultimate move of the midlife-crisis guy who isn't feeling so young anymore is buying the convertible sports car and cruising the strip. I admit that I sometimes go out and buy nice clothes when I'm in the doldrums, looking for threads to make me feel attractive and confident.

But when all is said and done, and you're out of your shopping trance, your depleted bank account tells another sad story. Sure, it's okay to treat yourself if you're feeling down, but don't overdo it.

Weight Control

Eating disorders are issues of control, but making unhealthy changes to a diet may be the result of trying to feel more attractive. This is why unhealthy tactics involve other people as well as dangerous adjustments to yourself.

Healthy self-improvement is the best way to feel attractive again. But the question is, where does this validation of attractiveness come from? Can it exist completely within yourself, or do you need the opposite gender to validate you as an attractive person? Is it a mixture of both?

What other unhealthy measures do we take to feel attractive, and do you agree with my list?


Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens

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