I've said many times I wish I could be a "dude" about sex and think: "Wow, I'm nailing this chick." Unfortunately, I have other thoughts racing through my head and most of these thoughts have to do with what's going to go wrong.
Here is a sampling of my insecurities in bed:
Is She Freaked Out by My Penile Abnormalities?
Ever since the first time I entered a guy's locker room, I felt different. Unfortunately, this feeling didn't stem from being incredibly blessed in size. It actually stemmed from the fact that I was always the ONE guy who was uncircumcised. I feel like women are much more used to dealing with circumcised penises.
On top of this, my experience with testicular cancer left a few marks down there. The long scar from my first surgery looks like a hernia incision. While this isn't too freaky, I do experience numbness down there on that side from time to time, and I'm definitely aware of this tingling during sex.
I'm also insecure about the fact that I have only one testicle due to my cancer treatment. I usually know a woman pretty well before I sleep with her, so she knows the situation, but during the act, I still fear that she thinks I'm a freak. It's definitely gotten into my head.
What If My Erection Goes Away?
When I was younger, I created the BCS: Boner Control System. This was in high school, when boners occurred if a slight westerly wind so much as graced the crotch area. In those days, I was so embarrassed whenever I'd get a spontaneous erection. I wanted to look like a guy who could control himself. Nowadays, if I'm drunk or tired, or I've had a little "too much fun with myself," it's challenging.
While I'm having sex, I'm concentrating intensely on my erection, questioning whether I'll lose it. And, sadly, this kind of scrutiny usually makes it go away.
Can Somebody Hear Us?
Living in NYC is strange because we're all packed together in small apartments stacked on top of each other. Sometimes, I can hear conversations through the vents in my bathroom, or music pulsing through the wall from the next apartment over. Plus, most people have roommates in NYC, sometimes until they are, like, 50.
Once, I was having sex with a girl in her apartment and all I could think about was the headboard banging against the wall, hoping there wasn't some old lady next door trying to enjoy a peaceful Sunday morning.
I Need To Go To The Gym More
Yup, I am insecure about my gut. And in certain positions, I'm forced to stare at my gut undulating while having sex. The guys in magazine ads make me feel even worse — they're perfect. Sometimes I think: "How can she be this attracted to me? Look at this thing growing on my stomach!"
What do you think of my insecurities and what kinds of insecurities do you have in bed? How can I conquer mine?