10 Reasons Why it Sucks to Have Your Birthday on Valentine's Day

I am on the verge of my thirty-something birthday and I'm dreading it as usual. Not only because I'm getting older, but because Valentine's Day is the worst f**king day for a birthday. By Erin Toland

Kristen Wiig in a scene from "Bridesmaids"
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Sharing a birthday with Valentine's Day was cool when I was younger because all I wanted was candy anyway and my friends could actually come to my birthday party—children don't usually snub you for a date when they're seven. As I got older it progressively got suckier for the following reasons.

1. It's not just MY day, it's every girl's day.

Woman destroying heart-shaped cooking

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2. It's a made up holiday where the shape of hearts you see everywhere are actually the shape of women's bottoms turned upside down.

Woman throwing up in purse

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3. My mother was very close to naming me Candy.

Woman sitting in classroom

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4. My friends are always busy with their boyfriends, girlfriends, or lovers.

Man & woman kissing on ferry while friend rolls her eyes

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5. I'm reminded in early January of my impending age as pink hearts increase in appearance in every store window.

Man proposing to woman, presenting engagement ring

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6. Dinner reservations are a pain to get.

Man paying maitre d' for reservation

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7. If I do get a dinner reservation, it's likely a prix fixe menu with some sort of heart-shaped food and a Chocolatetini as themed cocktail.

Waitress presenting menus to guests at dinner, pink streamers hanging

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8. I have to buy my husband a present too. That's crap.

Woman expressing her anger

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9. I do NOT want chocolate as a present for my birthday.

Woman expressing her disgust

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10. The day after my birthday is signified by discarded, half-dead flower bouquets and bins of half off chocolate at my local pharmacy.

Valentine candy on sale

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