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December 11, 2006

The Alpha/Beta Decoder

He says tomato; she owns Heinz. Herewith, your cheat sheet for spotting this millennium's oddest bedfellows.

Alpha Woman vs Beta Male

Photo Credit: Chris Buck

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Alpha: Begins every sentence with, "I'm crazy-busy right now..."
Beta: Begins every sentence with, "Let me check with my better half..."

Alpha: On a first-name basis with the maître d'.
Beta: On a first-name basis with the food-delivery guy.

Alpha: Dines with BlackBerry Pearl to the left of her water glass.
Beta: Dines with hoodie slung over the back of his chair.

Alpha: Sends back the wine.
Beta: Lets her taste the wine.

Alpha: Checks the stock ticker between courses.
Beta: Checks the game score between courses.

Alpha: Multitasking moment: Browses Barneys.com — and reads op-ed page — while waiting for her salad.
Beta: Multitasking moment: Pockets matches — and toothpicks — en route to the bathroom.

Alpha: Dictates notes to her assistant during dessert.
Beta: Doodles on his napkin during dessert.

Alpha: Orders the filet mignon — rare.
Beta: Orders whichever dessert she wants "a bite" of.

Alpha: Has a support staff of six.
Beta: Has an entourage of six — the dogs he walks for extra scratch.

Alpha: Card-carrying member of the Junior League.
Beta: Card-carrying member of the Sierra Club.

Alpha: Has a Town Car outside.
Beta: Has a 10-speed outside.

Alpha: Has Ron Burkle on speed-dial.
Beta: Has her dry cleaner on speed-dial.

Alpha: Donates to charity.
Beta: Is a charity.

Alpha: Picks the vacation.
Beta: Makes the reservations.

Alpha: Chose her own engagement ring.
Beta: Was told there'd be a prenup.

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