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May 9, 2008

Where the Etiquette Books Get it Wrong

Wedding trends that send guests into mutiny.

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The wedding cruise. Oysters, champagne AND the rolling tides of seasickness? Smashing idea

The bouquet toss. Now that you’ve ushered us so pathetically onto the dance floor and declared us single, I’m never going to be able to shake the creepy finance guy

The equally icky garter toss. Particularly when the poor girl who caught the bouquet is forced to stand in front of the entire reception as a strange man sticks his hand up her dress to adorn her with it. Hi Grandma!

A honeymoon registry? You got the guy, the dress, the dream wedding, the 12-place silverware setting complete with ice tea spoons. Pay for your own damn vacation

Video testimonials. To be played back later, just like old mortifying high school photos! Oh look the camera really does add 10 pounds

The awkward receiving line. Hello, it was a lovely ceremony. Hi! You look beautiful. Hello, she looks beautiful. Hi, you must be so proud. Hello. Yes, I know her from work. Hi, everything is just gorgeous—oh, you don’t speak English.... Hello! Well I can see where she gets her good looks from...

Jordon almonds as favors. Why?

30 minute speeches We’ve been starving since 2pm, please just let us eat the Cornish hen

Husbands who smash the cake into their bride’s face

The 3rd poem

Asking us to pelt you with rice, dove confetti or birdseed on the way out. Honestly people, someone has to clean that up


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