10 Signs It's Not a Date
Because sometimes it's just not obvious.
By Megan Mostyn Brown
1. He asked you to "hang out."
A "hangout" can totally potentially end in a hot make-out sesh (especially when tequila shots and karaoke are involved). But "hanging out" is not some secret male code word for date. Assume a hangout means he thinks of you as a potential friend and not a potential girlfriend.
2. He calls you dude.
Its a surefire sign he doesn't want to get into your pants. Because calling you dude is the equivalent of saying, I dont think of you as a sexual person who has breasts.
3. He high-fives you at the end of the night.
Where is your gum? Should you have shaved your legs above the knee? HOW WILL YOU GET YOUR SPANX OFF WITHOUT HIM NOTICING??? None of that matters if he says good-bye with a high-five. The only thing worse is a handshake.
4. He tells you he just cant find the right person.
Sad but true story: I had a whirlwind evening with a gentleman well call Mark. At one point, things got real and Mark leaned over the candlelight to tell me hes had a hard time finding the right girl. The evening was so date-like (Witty banter! Winking!), I assumed this was his way of being coy about how much he liked me. Turns out Mark wanted me to set him up with someone else. Lesson learned.
5. There are video games involved.
Yes, you and your neighbor share a deep love of Lara Croft, but if he invites you over to play Tomb Raider, its not a date.
6. He doesnt even attempt to touch you during the movie.
One of the BEST PARTS of a movie date is what I affectionately refer to as, the flirtatious touching armrest dance. If he invites you to a flick and then doesnt participate, i.e., he spends the next three hours in the dark leaning on the opposite armrest its not a date. Because no one is that shy. Or that respectful. No one.
7. He shows up to coffee wearing gym clothes.
You wore the jeans that make your butt look Beyoncé good. Hes wearing track pants and a tank top because hes going to CrossFit post-coffee. Girl, no matter how many soy caramel lattes he buys you, its not a date.
8. After dinner, he invites you back to his place and then sets up the couch for you to sleep on.
This one needs no explanation. In my experience (and, yes, this is a real thing that has really happened), the best thing to do is fake a sudden early morning obligation you totally forgot about and then Uber your bad self home.
9. You run into one of his friends and he invites them to join you.
Dates involve two people. #threesacrowd.
10. Your first date is a party.
You + that hot barista + 200 of his friends + the thud of Skrillex and several kegs ≠ a date. The upside? Maybe you can get that Ryan Gosling look-alike you met in line for the bathroom who's totally down to take you out for the real deal.
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Photo credit: Paramount