10 Things I Learned from Getting Divorced
Love bites, but I bit back.
By Jennifer McAuliffe
1. I Am Enough
I used to think, "I can't do it. It won't work. I need someone." Turns out, I don't.
2. Sex IS Important
Not every marriage goes through this, but often the first thing to go in a relationship is the sex. I used to think that it happened to everyone, "How important is sex anyway?" Turns out, it's very important.
3. I Deserve to Be Treated Well and Never Settle
As a good friend of mine often reminds me, "This is not a dress rehearsal for the rest of your life." I should have stood up for myself more and not repressed how I was feeling just for the sake of peace and harmony.
4. Life Gets Easier
When I first left my husband, my life was turned upside down. I had to figure out how to live again. My emotions were all over the place, and I felt like I was never going to feel normal again. But it keeps getting easier every day.
5. You Eventually Embrace Your Stigma
I used to walk into a room and immediately think, "I am divorced. Are people judging me? I am the only divorced person here." I no longer think that. I also don't care if I am the only divorced person in the room.
6. I Am Desired
I would often forget this because my life was filled with arguments and lots of misery. The truth is, I will find love again.
7. Be You with No Excuses
When I first got divorced I thought I had to hide all my faulty (according to my ex) character traits. Turns out, some men actually like what may be a turn off to another man. Some men like women who show emotion whether it be crying over a commercial or losing your crap over someone who did you wrong. Don't hide who you are - celebrate each and every piece of it. You never know what someone else might find desirable.
8. You Can Always Recover from Economic Disasters
Better to cut your losses, than fight in court over every last little penny (because fighting over who's going to get the kitchen table will cost you more in attorney fees than that stupid set cost in the first place). Almost everyone takes a hit. Divorce is expensive. You may lose assets. Just deal. Your credit score might drop. It's okay. It's not forever it's just for now.
9. Giving in for the Sake of Peace in Your Life Is Always Worth It
This one is very personal to your situation. You shouldn't put yourself in an unfair position, but realize that some spouses will continue to fight just to be spiteful. Sometimes giving in on a few things to make things final faster is usually always worth it.
10. The Kids Are Gonna Be Alright
Kids are resilient. They really are. When I got divorced, we actually left our family home. They never asked to go back. It turns out, as their primary caregiver, home is wherever I go. Everyone's circumstances are different but even if they are upset at first, they will adjust. Kids worry about kid stuff, they will move on and quickly. They also don't think too far ahead (i.e. How will the holidays go?) So don't worry so much, just be normal and everything will fall back into place.
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