There are only a handful of celebrities who inspire feelings of stand-outside-The-Today-Show-and-freak-out fandom in me. Pat Kiernan is one. (I cannot start my mornings without "In the Papers.") Idris Elba is another. (I think I would melt.) And then there's Amy Schumer. I just feel like we'd really get along, you know?
So when I saw her sitting front row as I walked into Narciso Rodriguez's spring show on Tuesday night, I almost gasped. I had to talk to her. But I was also completely caught off-guard and didn't have much to say other than, "What do we do about our at-risk chins?"
But before I could blurt out, "At-risk chins!" she motioned to my right, where a fellow show-goer was leaning in close. "There's someone sitting on your shoulder like a parrot."
"Oh, that's cool," I stammered. "Now, about the at-risk chin...." (Truly, I could think of no better thing to ask Schumer about at that moment. My mind had gone blank.)
"What are you talking about?" Schumer asked me. (When you're squatting to talk to someone in the front row and looking up at them, one's at-risk chin goes into hiding.) "Oh, it's there," I reassured her.
"You shouldn't start an interview with a lie," she told me. Fair enough. Still, she sagely acknowledged that we must "embrace" our at-risk chins. "Just like, fuck it," she said. "It's part of life for some people and that's it."
Great. Onto the requisite "How is your fashion week?" question, which involuntarily tumbled out of my mouth. I watched the words come out and desperately wanted to pull them back in.
"It's great," she deadpanned. "I'm so happy to be here. I love Narciso, I love his clothing. I love sitting on this bench."
And then, a bit more earnestly, "It's actually really nice to be here with people I'm close with," she said, motioning to her friends on either side of her. "Because usually you're next to some random celebrity."
That's something I've always wondered about. What do celebrities who have never met and would otherwise have nothing in common say to each other when they're plopped next to each other in the front row of a fashion show? Do you make small talk?
"I'm allergic to small talk. Like I can't do it," Schumer said. "I will usually like, disclose too much information and make them uncomfortable." I blinked, looking hopeful. "Quiet is good too. Being quiet is underrated," she added. Point taken. I scurried away.
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